


His Process

by Lanceeselhombre



Series: His Process Au [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5 times 1 time fic, Accidental Stimulation, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxious Keith (Voltron), Confessions, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, If you count a UTI as an injury, Injury Recovery, Keith has a phobia of bathrooms, Mentions of Rape, Omorashi, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Space fam - Freeform, Wetting, almost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-14 00:56:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 33,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11772126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanceeselhombre/pseuds/Lanceeselhombre
Summary: Five times Keith gave into his process, and one time he didn't.(Or, the rape recovery fic where Keith learns to let his friends in and confess about a secret he's hid for ten years.)//new chapter(s) currently being written :)





	1. Chapter 1

Keith ducked under a sword as the training bot lunged at him, feeling air gust by his hair as he narrowly missed the dull blade of the weapon. He staggered forward until he regained his balance five steps later and spun on his heel to face the bot again, just as it lunged for him. It swung for Keith’s knees, but the sword didn't connect with them because of the red paladin’s quick instinct to jump up and over the blade. Despite his efforts he didn't quite jump high enough, causing the top of the sword to graze the bottom of his boots. He landed on his feet heavily with an uncomfortable groan, quickly throwing himself back to avoid getting punched in the stomach by the hilt of the bot’s weapon.

The red paladin couldn't do much more than back away from the training bot for a moment. He blocked a few well placed swings with a parry from his own blade, but they were all at the last second and barely fended off the strikes. He suddenly stumbled over his boot- _his own boot_ \- and fell on his back, cracking his head against the hard floor and losing his grip on his bayard. The impact was jarring, so jarring that the calm facade the teen had been trying to keep up wavered and a brief gush of wet warmth flooded the crotch of his skinny jeans. He groaned again, the sound more desperate than before, and gripped at his hair, trying to regain his composure enough to move. He was glued to the floor where he lay, panting tiredly from the exertion of training and making small, uncontrollable noises because fuck he couldn't do this. He quickly stole a glance at his crotch, finding to his relief that it was still dry, but the deep and crushing ache in his stomach wasn't feeling any better.

Small victories.

Thankfully, the training bot kept its distance and eyed him carefully while his internal struggle took place- a function he wasn't aware the bot still had at level four. It stood completely still, giving its opponent a chance to get back to his feet before it continued the onslaught of strikes it had been inflicting on him. The short reprieve from the battle ended several seconds later when the robot’s eye glowed a menacing red and it rushed him again.

Keith barely managed to force himself to roll out of the way as a foot stomped hard on the floor where his throat had been, the words to deactivate the training sequence on the tip of his tongue. He abandoned his bayard where it slid across the seamless tile a few feet away and instead focused on trying to get back to his feet and off of the ground where he was hunched over on his hands and knees like a sitting duck waiting to be hunted down by the training bot. He couldn't quite make himself get up no matter how much he wanted to, his shaking legs unable to support his weight. His breathing was coming too fast and his heart was pounding too hard. He was exhausted from training for three hours straight with no breaks. He couldn't do this.

The heavy sound of metal clanging against tile filled his ears, coming from directly above him, and caused a rush of adrenaline to flood his system that had him yelling for the end of the training session before he was aware of his actions. “End training sequence!” He screwed his eyes shut and clenched his hands into tight fists as he heard the bot deactivate behind him with a tell tale click and fall into a heap on the cold floor. It's sword fell with a metallic clang next to his head- right next to his _fucking head_ \- and both it and the bot itself fell through the floor, erasing any evidence of the bot ever being activated in the first place. Keith half-heartedly wished the floor would swallow him up as well.

The red paladin panted heavily from where he sat for a minute- still on his hands and knees- while he tried to catch his breath and regain some of his strength. It came back slowly, allowing him to finally stagger to his feet after several seconds of trying to find his footing with nothing but air to grab onto and pull himself up. He straightened up with a desperate whimper and carefully held his lower stomach with his left hand while he walked towards his forgotten bayard. He bent at the knees to pick the weapon up off the ground before standing again and hooking the item onto the side of his belt.

Now that the teen was all sorted out and wasn't standing three feet away from death, he could feel the intense pounding in his lower belly with ten times more clarity than before. He winced and breathed another uncomfortable groan to himself, unable to do more than stand in place while he tried to get a grip on his slipping self control. He dropped the hand cradling his stomach to his side and clenched it into a fist almost as tightly as he was clenching his teeth together because _fuck_ he needed to take a _fucking piss_.

_Hurry up and walk you goddamn baby._ He growled internally, fed up with his own body and its stupid needs. He stood still for another couple of seconds before he started walking forward, his strides controlled and tense as he left the deck. He started down one of the blank and pristine white corridors of the castle of lions, headed towards the showers. He felt gross and sticky and hot from his training session and wanted to wash all the sweat off his skin and smell like something other than overpowering musk.

He stalked down the hall at a forcibly calm pace, not even bothering to turn towards his room to grab clothes to change into. It wasn't unusual to see one of the paladins walking around the castle in just a towel after after-training showers; they were more concerned with getting clean than being ready for social activities immediately after leaving the showers.

He walked past a bathroom on his way to the showers, not even hesitating with momentary want or need to stop and use it. Instead he glared at the closed door with a look of profound disgust and disdain until it disappeared from his vision as he turned a corner, completely ignoring the unbearably heavy desperation and the painful stabbing in his bladder. He continued to scowl darkly and glare at nothing even after he was several halls away from the bathroom, his arms crossed defensively over his chest.

He didn't change his mind when he felt a trickle of warm liquid make its way down his thigh. He didn't even bat his eyelashes when the trickle grew to a stream and then to a gush, soaking the crotch of his pants and most of his left pant leg, turning the dark fabric of his jeans a shining black. When his clothes couldn't soak up any more piss they started dripping with it from his thigh and crotch and pouring off of his calf and overflowing from his boot, painting the floor behind him a dark, almost brown shade of murky yellow. He didn't worry about someone finding the large puddle of pee or having to come back later and clean it up; the castle floors had sensors that were triggered when anything considered to be dirty got on them, causing little vacuum-like robots to emerge from the walls and dispose of whatever contaminant that triggered them. They would clean it up for him.

When the gush of liquid finally cut off Keith sighed and scrunched his nose up in disgust. This was so _fucking gross_. The way his jeans clung to him in odd places along with the sickeningly strong smell of ammonia disgusted him. He hated doing this. He hated pissing in his pants anywhere from two to four times a day and hiding it from the rest of team Voltron just because he couldn't man the _fuck_ up and learn to use a bathroom instead of his pants.

He stalked into the showers, his tense posture a result of disgust, discomfort, and self-hate instead of an overwhelming need to pee. He stripped off his sopping wet clothes and folded them the best he could without getting his hands covered in piss before he hid them in the corner of the shower stall he’d be using to wash himself off. He snagged some shampoo, body wash, and a towel to bring inside the stall with him and closed the curtain behind himself. He put down the items he grabbed and turned on the water, not waiting for it to heat up past ice cold before he stepped into the spray. He just wanted this gross shit off of his body as fast as possible. He could stand a little cold.

He hadn't always been like this. Before his parents died and before he was put into an orphanage he was completely fine. Back then he had no problems with using the bathroom. Back then he didn't have a reason to fear being exposed.

But some shit happened in that orphanage that changed him. Being put into an orphanage at the age he was at the time was hard enough; he was old enough to remember his parents and love them and grow attached to them, and having them ripped from him so suddenly and being forced to live with complete strangers was damaging in its own way. But only a few days after he got put in the system some of the older kids in the same orphanage had him offered to hold him close and make him feel good. Being six, he didn't understand that they meant something beyond hugs and cuddles and eagerly accepted. He had just wanted to feel better, he didn't like having to think about what would happen to him with his parents gone. Cuddling with someone older for a few hours could be comforting and would give his mind a brief rest from its constant worrying.

When the boys asked him to meet them in the bathroom he gave them a look, but he didn't question them. He met them in the bathroom like they asked, ready to cuddle and forget about his worries for a few hours. However, instead of receiving a hug he got three different dicks shoved inside him while he was forcibly held down on the closed lid of a toilet. He cried and screamed and begged for them to stop. He kept asking them what they were doing and told them over and over again that he was scared. He told them he didn't want that. By they didn't care.

Afterwards when he ran to an adult to tell them, the person didn't believe him. No one did. They thought he was seeking attention as a recent addition to the orphanage who wanted to be pampered in the absence of his parents. He even showed them the bruises he got from the experience, but they claimed they were self inflicted. He gave up trying to get them to believe him after a few days of sharp dismissals and swats to his already aching behind whenever he brought up the topic. The adults eventually found out he was telling the truth a month later when another kid got raped by the same three bullies. They tried to apologize and right their wrong with him. But the damage had already been done.

Keith avoided any and all bathrooms after the incident. When the bullies that raped him found out he tried telling the adults they threatened to get him again the next time he used the bathroom. His solution was to stop using the bathroom. He didn't know what he would do instead when he came up with the plan, but the issue sorted itself out during dinner when he pissed his pants for the first time while he’d been holding it and resisting the urge to run to the bathroom. From then on, he chose to use his pants instead of a toilet.

The boy got a lot of beatings for it too. The first few times he was let off with a strict warning, but when the problem continued past a few days he started getting spanked every time he peed on himself instead of using the bathroom. After a week the adults forced him to clean up the mess by himself and made him clean himself up; they even made him do the large amount of laundry he created on his own because they didn't want to deal with it and they couldn't get him to stop. He stopped getting spanked after they found out he really was raped, but they still scolded him and made him clean up after himself.

He grew up with no friends as a result of his problem. No one in the orphanage talked to him or played with him. They all made disgusted noises and made fun of him and laughed whenever he had an accident. When he started school again they told all his classmates, and then no one in his class talked to him. The adults at the orphanage tried to keep the knowledge of his wetting problem from becoming common knowledge-past his immediate class- but that plan went up in flames when his school required him to wear diapers because it was a sanitary problem. It was either that or home schooling, and the orphanage didn't have time to teach their oddball brat to save him the humility of wearing diapers to school. On the bright side, he did have a very good relationship with the school nurse.

As a result of all of that, he grew up in social isolation and became extremely awkward with other people. He became quiet and reserved and never talked unless spoken to first. He learned to be independent years before he should have even started learning to do chores. He became touched starved but also extremely anxious about being touched or approached from behind.

When he left the orphanage and started staying in foster homes, even when he went to the Garrison, he just couldn't stop. The fear of bathrooms was already embedded so deeply in his mind that far after the threat of the three bullies had faded he couldn't bring himself to even try to use a bathroom again. He didn't want to be reminded of what happened and he didn't want to face his steadily growing phobia. He couldn't even look at the damn door without feeling a spike of dread shoot down his spine.

Thankfully, none of the paladins knew about his past, not even Shiro. None of them knew that he pissed himself every day either; he’d learned how to hide it from years of practice. He found where the laundry room was and washed his clothes on his own in the middle of the night then found time during the day to catch up on the sleep he missed. Literally no one on this ship had even an inkling towards his problem.

Well, maybe the mice knew.

It probably would have stayed that way for the rest of the time they stayed up in space if it weren't for Lance. Keith didn't usually have close calls with people seeing him wet, but he started having them often with that bastard around. He was so stealthy when he wanted attention or when he wanted to bother Keith, he would literally pop up behind him as he was about to have an accident. Sometimes Keith could get him to go away before he started peeing, but other times he had no choice but to book it for his room before the white floor below him started turning yellow. Despite Keith’s odd behavior, Lance never figured it out; he didn't even ask why Keith randomly took off on him in the middle of a conversation. He never told the others either, thank god.

However, when Lance started actually catching him in the middle of pissing himself, with or without a valid reason for doing so, he knew he was fucked. Even Lance wasn't dense enough to let his reoccurring accidents pass as normal. He was pretty fucking dense though, because it took him catching Keith having an accident four times before he finally grew concerned and started asking questions.

The first time he got caught Keith was walking to his room after he spent a good few hours with Red in her hanger. He spent most of his time outside the training deck with her; he couldn't be training all the time, if he got hurt he would lose one of his places to go and hide out when he needed to pee. He still had his room, but he didn't like being in there all the time, and he refused to purposefully piss in the lions’ hanger- he had too much respect for the lions. So for most of the day he reclined against the metal of Red’s flank and enjoyed the deep calm that her presence brought until he couldn't wait any longer to pee. Then he would leave the hanger, probably piss himself on the way to his room, change into some dry clothes, then go back to the red lion and relax with her again.

Unfortunately, Lance walked in on him during his process when he wasn't expecting him to. Keith had just left the lions’ hanger, later than usual; it was almost time for dinner and he wanted to stay with his lion until he had to leave, figure himself out, and go to eat with the team. He was already leaking when he turned the first corner away from the door and within a few seconds was soaking his jeans. He sighed with reluctant relief as he calmly walked towards his room, doing his best to ignore the hot, itchy, wet feeling in his pants.

“Keith!” Said teen froze at the sound of his name. That was Lance’s voice. Shit, he was going to see. He was already soaked and he couldn't stop. This was it, the last few months- or however long they'd been up in space, it was hard to count- of trying to hide his problem were going to fly right out the fucking window. The team was going to hate him now, his childhood of being excluded from every friend group was going to repeat itself. Why did he even-

A hand on his shoulder startled him out of his thoughts. He jumped and yanked away, spinning around to face his teammate. He approached him from behind. Lance was standing a little behind him and off to his side, his hand hovering in the air from when Keith yanked away. His expression was slightly concerned. But why wasn't it disgusted? “You okay man?” Lance asked, his brow furrowing a little more.

Keith stared for a moment. No, he wasn't okay. He was standing in the middle of a hallway pissing in his pants while Lance stood not even three fucking feet away and to make it worse a bit of panic was setting in because the fucking idiot grabbed his shoulder from behind. The red paladin opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again a few seconds later. His voice was gone, he couldn't make himself speak with pee still streaming down his legs.

His silence left them in an awkward stand off, the hiss of him wetting himself and the pattering of the dark liquid hitting the floor white noise in the background. Lance’s expression grew more and more worried the longer Keith was quiet, but he didn't say anything either. He was patiently waiting for a reply, which Keith appreciated. He was flashbacking to every time he got yelled at for this and if Lance spoke up again he would probably break down into anxious tears.

The stream cut off, leaving them in complete silence. Keith’s mouth was dry, but he opened it to try and answer again. He really needed to speak up before Lance left to go find someone else; he would probably grab Shiro too and he wouldn't be able to deal with this if his leader found out. Because then he would be confronted by an authoritative figure, and that would definitely make him panic and cry and run. Then Shiro would know there was something wrong beyond the fact that he simply had an accident and he’d be asked to explain what was wrong. He didn't want to relive the experience again to confess his problem. He couldn't.

“...I'm fine.” He whispered, unable to speak any louder. He met Lance’s eyes- his soft, concerned eyes- and immediately looked elsewhere. He wasn't even embarrassed or humiliated, he’d passed that stage early on; he was terrified that he was going to be rejected, ridiculed, attacked and ratted out to the rest of the team.

Lance watched him with a calculating yet soft gaze for a moment. He left his hand fall to his side but he didn't leave. It was quiet. “You should really drink more. That's not a healthy color.” He said calmly, no hint of teasing in his words and not even a trace of disgust in his voice. “You should be drinking eight cups of water a day.”

What?

“What?” Keith’s brain couldn't compute with what Lance just said. Why was he giving him advice? Shouldn't he be laughing at him right now? Wasn't that how their rivalry worked? He just gave him the perfect excuse for teasing and jokes and he was just letting it go?

“Your piss.” Lance said, clarifying like Keith didn't know that was what he was talking about. “It's supposed to be light yellow or clear. Yours is almost brown like holy shit drink some water.” The tone of his voice was completely serious. “Are you sick? UTIs can make it dark like that. Does your stomach hurt?”

“Uh.” Keith still wasn't caught up with what he was saying, but he tried to respond. His stomach did kind of ache, but that was from waiting until he had an accident to pee. He didn't think he was sick, although he did grow up with a lot of UTIs. God he hated them. He was lucky he hadn't gotten one yet while they were in space. “No, I’m not sick. I haven't been drinking much.” The less he drank the less he peed, so there was less clean up and less chance of him getting caught.

Lance’s pinched up face relaxed. “Well, you should start drinking more. And you should probably flush your system too, if you don't you could still get sick. You probably have gunk building up.” He sighed and patted Keith’s shoulder, eliciting a small jolt from the teen in response to the touch. He either didn't notice or payed it no mind. “Just go shower and change, I'll tell the group you're coming in a few minutes. The cleaning robots’ll clean it up.”

Keith blinked. “You're not going to ask why I pissed myself?” He asked, dumbfounded by Lance’s reaction. He was relieved he wasn't, but he was just so amazed he was acting like this was nothing.

The blue paladin smiled and shook his head. “Naw man. I mean, unless you want me to?” The look on Keith’s face was all he needed to see to get an answer. “Yeah I didn't think so.” He laughed. “Just hurry up okay? I can only distract space dad for so long before he comes and finds you himself.”

Yeah, that wasn't something he wanted to happen. “Uh, thanks.” The red paladin stuttered out, saying the only word he could think to say.

Lance hummed. “Just promise me you'll drink more? We kinda need you to not get sick and be put out of commission.” He said, joking playfully but also being completely serious. It was a tone only Lance could accomplish.

“Yeah. Okay.” _Nope. Not a chance._

Keith stood still for a moment before he could take a few steps forward and leave the large puddle he’d created, cringing a little at the small splash of his boot on the wet floor. He walked off, heading towards the showers again at a forcibly calm pace. Dread was creeping down his spine from turning his back on Lance, his ears straining for any indication that the other paladin was coming up behind him. He peeked over his shoulder to smolder his stupid paranoia that Lance was following and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the teen gone.

He got lucky that Lance took it so well. He appreciated his concern, but he wasn't going to drink more, even to stop himself from getting an infection. Lance already found out once, he wasn't going to subject himself to more frequent episodes and increase the chance of one of his other teammates finding him, or Lance finding him again. He’d have to stop wetting himself in the hallways and start doing it in his room or the showers so no one could walk in on him like Lance did.

Despite his precautions, Lance found out. Again.

He couldn't really help it this time. They had been on a diplomatic mission on a new planet, trying to recruit a new ally for Voltron. Which included a large and very fucking long dinner party. He honestly would have been completely fine if Lance didn't make him drink things during the trip; they were there for seven hours and Lance forced him into drinking at least two cups of water because he had been avoiding any and all liquids the whole time. Keith reluctantly accepted the drinks even though he knew he would regret them, if only to stop the impending fight that would happen if he refused. He didn't want to have that argument at all, much less in a room full of strangers.

By the time they were leaving for the castle again Keith was desperate. He usually didn't try to hold it in by squirming or by other means- all it did was postpone his fate and add a bit of pain- but they were on a diplomatic mission; he couldn't just piss himself in the middle of something like that. It was hard not to though, especially when he had to also be discreet enough so the other paladins didn't notice and try to drag him to a bathroom. They would just be trying to help, but all they would be doing was causing a panic attack by trying to make him walk inside. Which would be worse than having an accident.

But he was finally back in Red, which was partial relief. He was finally alone so he could squirm and press his legs together and groan uncomfortably all he wanted without anyone watching. If he didn't have such a deep seated respect for his lion he would just let go because he really needed to go and it was starting to hurt. He held it though, he could wait until they got back to the castle. At least he could wait until he was out of Red.

The flight back to the castle, while it only took a few minutes, felt like it took hours when he had nothing to distract him from the intense desperation in his belly. The others were happily chatting across the coms, but he’d muted himself so they couldn't hear the sounds he was making. Someone would ask questions and he wouldn't be able to appropriately answer. Being questioned made his mind shut down. He couldn't do it.

When he and everyone else landed in the hangers he wanted to immediately jump out of his lion and run for his room, hopefully before any of the others left their lions to see him run off. He didn't do that though, because he could feel that he wouldn't make it more than a few steps from Red before his bladder gave out. If he left before the others they would find the trail he left behind when he ran. So he sat in Red, shaking and gripping his hair in tight fists- he’d thrown his helmet to the floor of the cockpit in frustration when he landed- with his thighs twisted together desperately.

He panted heavily through clenched teeth, trying to wait as long as he could before he would leave his lion. When he thought the coast was clear he started to get out of his seat so he could grab his helmet and get the hell out of here, wet himself, and clean up so he could continue with his day like his life didn't revolve around his stupid accidents. He shakily got to his feet and wobbled over to the door of the cockpit, using the dashboard and handles to help keep himself steady. He could always come back for his helmet later, but if he took the time to pick it up now he wouldn't make it out of the cockpit.

His hand hovered over the hand print to open the door when he heard a loud knock that scared the piss out of him. Literally. _So much for making it out of Red._ He thought bitterly as he tried to keep his bearings, which was extremely difficult with piss streaming down his legs. “Keith, we’re heading to the common room to play some games, you coming?” It was Shiro’s voice. _Oh fuck please no._

Keith swallowed heavily and took in a deep breath, trying to steady himself enough to speak normally. The hiss of him wetting sounded so loud, could Shiro hear it too? “Yeah, I was just going to spend a few minutes with Red first.” He called back, speaking loud to overshadow the faint shake in his voice. He hoped the cover would be enough for Shiro to believe.

Shiro seemed convinced. “Okay. We’ll wait for you there.” He said, his voice accompanied by metal clinking as he walked away from the door. He left the red lion, leaving it quiet except for the still present hiss.

The red paladin sighed with relief when the black paladin left without asking questions, leaning his head against the door and staring down at his crotch and the growing puddle on the floor. It was deep gold this time instead of almost brown, which he guessed was good. It didn't make him happy that Lance forced him to drink though. He closed his eyes and sighed again, this time in annoyance at himself while he waited for himself to finish.

_I'm sorry girl._ He apologized to Red, truly upset that he wet himself inside her. He would have to clean her up himself, which he felt he deserved after he soiled the ancient being. She must be grossed out too.

Red roared in his ear, the sound bringing an overwhelming sensation of calm that traveled down his back like a giant tongue lapping at his skin. Keith felt tears prick at his eyes as he smiled at his lion. _Thanks_. He stood there long after he finished wetting, letting the red lion soothe him with waves of calm that almost felt like a mental tongue bath. She washed her presence over him until she was content with the mental state of her paladin, then she rumbled her consent for him to leave.

Keith opened his eyes after the waves of calm ended and let out a relaxed breath. He left his place at the door to get his helmet before he walked back so he could leave and get changed. He didn't know how long Red comforted him, but he knew that the others were waiting. He hoped he could get changed before someone came looking for him.

He tucked his helmet under his right arm as he walked out of the red lion, grimacing slightly at the feeling of his suit sticking to him. The liquid soaking it was cold and clammy and somehow felt even worse than warm pee. He couldn't wait to change out of this and into his usually clothes.

The red paladin turned the corner once he left the hanger and bumped into something- hard. He gasped in surprise and flailed out for something to grab onto, his fingers scraping past whatever he bumped into but failing to grab onto it. He closed his eyes in preparation for the impact with the floor, barely catching a glimpse of what he hit.

He fell on his back and hit his head pretty hard on the floor, making him wish he put his helmet back on. He groaned in pain and held the back of his head with both hands, trying to protect it from more damage while he recovered from the hard hit. His helmet rolled off to the side somewhere, but he wasn't sure where because his eyes were screwed shut in pain. Why did it always hurt so bad to get hit in the back of the head?

“Oh shit sorry Keith.” Lance apologized as he kneeled down next to the teen’s head and gently helped him to sit up. “Is your head okay? Are you bleeding? What's your name?” He started asking quickly, too loud for the red paladin with his head pounding and too fast for him to process enough to answer.

Keith held a hand out and put it on what he thought was Lance’s shoulder. “Just shhh.” He said, unable to focus on more than the blood rushing in his ears. His own voice sounded muddled when he spoke to assure the other paladin. “I'm fine. Just give me a sec.”

Lance went quiet, which Keith was thankful for. He tenderly held the back of his skull until the pounding pain subsided and there was just a dull ache left. He sighed and let go of his head and opened his eyes to look at his teammate, who was still kneeling next to him with a concerned look on his face. He decided that he could talk again when Keith looked over at him. “Is your head okay?” He repeated, his voice worried.

The red paladin nodded. “Yeah, I'm okay.” What he meant by that was his head was okay; he was freaking out on the inside because he was soaked in his own piss while talking to the one person on this damn ship that had already seen him wet himself. He prayed that Lance wouldn't notice- it wouldn't be too hard to miss the stain, the whole body suit was black and the liquid had dripped off of the white pieces of his armor- but he didn't think it was possible with how strongly he smelled of ammonia, the scent intensified by how long he’d been sitting in his wet clothes.

The blue paladin nodded and sighed with relief. “That's good. Sorry for knocking into you, Shiro sent me to come grab you.” He explained. “He said you were with Red so I came to the hangers.” Well, Shiro was right to send him when he did, another few seconds and he would have missed him entirely.

“Yeah, I was.” Keith replied shortly, turning to the side and locating his discarded helmet a few feet to his right. He leaned over to grab it and rested the item over his lap, hoping to nonchalantly hide the most noticeable part of the stain.

“Well, you should go to your room and change so we can start game night. Pidge made monopoly, so unless you want to be up all night getting your ass handed to you by her you better hurry up.” The brunette said with a smile. Him and Pidge put together weekly game nights to keep some sort of normalcy in their lives. Every time they tried making a new game for them to play. It was Pidge’s turn this week.

Keith found himself smiling despite his anxiety. “Assuming I don't kick her ass first?” He challenged, putting his helmet to the side so he could get to his feet. He was looking forward to playing games with the team like he always did.

Lance hissed playfully through his teeth. “I'm gonna tell her you're trash talking.” He threatened as he got to his feet as well and offered Keith a hand up.

Keith took Lance’s hand and pulled himself to his feet. He then bent down to pick up his helmet and tucked it under his right arm. “Go ahead, I'm not afraid of a pesky little bird. I'll hurry up and meet you there soon.” He promised as he turned and started walking towards his bedroom. He would just wipe his lower half clean and go to game night. He could shower afterwards.

“She’s gonna jump you just saying.” The blue paladin laughed as he held his hands up beside his head. “And yeah, see ya there. Hurry up and change before you get a rash.” He said with a wave as he turned to walk back to the common room.

The red paladin froze at his teammate’s statement and snapped his head over his shoulder to look back at him. He stared at the teen’s back as he walked away, his face burning a red that rivaled his armor. He noticed?

He stared into space even after Lance was gone, trying to get over the fact that Lance knew he had another accident. But he still wasn't asking questions. It took a few more seconds before he could shake himself back to reality and start towards his room again. He stripped out of his suit as soon as he got there and quickly wiped himself off so he could get dressed in a dry set of his usual clothes.

Lance hadn't told anyone the second time either.

Unfortunately, the third time was then he started getting suspicious that something was up.

Keith thought that he was very discreet the third time; he chose to sit on the floor of his bedroom and play with the tablet that Allura had given him while he waited for himself to have an accident- he never chose to wet himself, it always happened when his muscles involuntarily relaxed, so he had to wait. He didn't squirm uncomfortably, press his thighs together, or hold himself, he just let the desperation roll over him until it became too much. To keep himself entertained, he read some translated Altean text on the tablet. Once he peed and cleaned up the mess he was going to relax, maybe take a nap so he was awake enough to wash his clothes later in the night.

It seemed like this time he couldn't possibly get caught; it was the middle of the day when all the paladins usually spent time alone pursuing their own hobbies or relaxing however they pleased. He didn't expect anyone to walk by his door or come looking for him at this hour. Maybe Pidge might knock and ask if he wanted to help her with something on her computer, but if he told her he’d meet her at her room she would leave, giving him time to take care of his problem so he could enjoy some time with her. Hunk sometimes asked if he wanted to bake with him, but he never sought him out if he was in his room, he only asked if he was in a public space and doing nothing important. Even Shiro might ask to spar, but they already did that earlier so he probably wouldn't ask again today.

The last person he expected to hear knocking on the door was Lance. The guy didn't normally come to his room for any reason other than to grab him for dinner or training at Shiro's request if he was taking too long with his problem, or on rare occasions he was just sleeping. The point was, Lance didn't come to his room for the fun of it.

So when a decently loud knock came from Keith’s door the teen jumped, nearly dropping his tablet on the floor with a suppressed whimper. The sudden movement made his bladder ache, but he wasn't enough to make him wet himself. “Who is it?” He called, letting whoever knocked know that he was listening. He turned the tablet on sleep mode and put it on his bed and rested his hands palm down on his knees. Why was there someone at his door?

“Hey Keith.” Lance greeted from the other side of the door, his tone flat but it also had an edge of hopeful playfulness. “I'm bored. Do you want to play with a deck of Pidge’s cards or something?”

Keith blinked. Him and Lance didn't usually play games one on one, but he would be happy to play with him. He always felt happy when the other paladins wanted personal time with him, it made him feel wanted and loved, two things he missed out on a lot as a kid. Sometimes he got so touched tears came to his eyes, but he never let them fall until he was alone. People didn't usually cry over the offer of a card game or a cooking partner or a fellow code hacker.

He would have got up and left to go with Lance if it weren't for the fact that he was in the middle of something pretty important that he couldn't just drop. If he could get Lance to walk away to set up the game somewhere then his problem would be solved. “Yeah, where do you want to play?” He asked, hoping he could keep Lance busy with talking in case he started wetting before he left. He didn't know if he would be able to hear through the door and he would prefer to not find out.

The red paladin could practically hear the smile in Lance’s voice. “I actually have a deck with me right now, so if you're okay with it we could play in your room? I have a normal deck and a skipbo deck and even a wizard deck so we can play a lot of different games.” Lance said, listing off what he brought with him. He was extremely hopeful Keith would agree to play if he brought the games with him.

Keith bit his lip as he felt the first bit of pee leak into his jeans. He could say he wasn't comfortable with Lance in his room, but that would be a lie. It could work to get him to go away so he wouldn't hear him wet himself though. “Actually could we play in your room or the common room? My room is kind of a mess right now and I need to clean.” That wasn't a total lie, his floor was about to get wet and gross and he would have to clean it. Preferably sooner rather than later. The musk of ammonia clung to everything.

Lance went with it. “Same, I get it. We can totally play in the common room. Want to walk there together so we can talk?” Okay, it didn't quite work like Keith had planned. But Lance was buying it so he wouldn't walk into his room at least.

The red paladin went quiet while he tried to think of an excuse as to why he couldn't walk with Lance. In his silence the sound of liquid hitting fabric filled the room as pee gushed into his skinny jeans, thoroughly soaking his crotch and inner thighs and his butt where the yellow liquid pooled under him. He grimaced at the feeling and tried to make his mind work faster so he could come up with a reply- any reply at this point because he’f been quiet for too long and he was probably worrying Lance.

“Uh, is there a problem with that?” Lance’s voice came through the door, laced with concern and confirming his suspicions. The blue paladin seemed a little hurt and a bit more than put off that he didn't want to talk with him. The problem was he did, he just had something really important and really personal happening _right now_ that was making his mind shut down just like it did a week ago in the hall.

He needed to say _something_. “No! No, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just-” He stuttered to himself a second, trying to figure out a way to say he was busy that wouldn't get him questioned but also wouldn't sound like he was trying to put off the games Lance wanted to play. The games he also wanted to play. “...I'm a little busy right now. Can I meet you at the common room in like twenty minutes? I'll be finished with what I'm doing then.”

Lance was quiet for a second, making Keith fear he had left. “Yeah, I can do that.” Lance agreed, although he still sounded a little put off. Oh well, Keith couldn't fix that without confessing about his problem. Which he was not doing. Not to just Lance. If he ever did, he would tell the whole team at once so he only had to say it once.

The teen sighed silently in relief. “Thank you. Seriously, twenty minutes. If I lose track of time come back and bang on my door, you have permission to come in and drag me out by my shirt collar if that happens.” He consented, trying to add some positive playful banter to their conversation. He didn't like talking so seriously, it stressed him out.

Lance snorted a laugh. “I'm holding you to that mullet. Twenty minutes. Starting now.” He said as he walked off, leaving Keith alone as he finally stopped wetting. The red paladin looked down at himself and sighed. He had twenty minutes to clean this mess up and change before Lance would come back and barge in. He hoped he could do it in under that- he liked being thorough so he could act like he didn't use his floor as a bathroom multiple times a day.

Keith got to his feet and immediately stripped off his clothes and threw them in his hamper. He then cleaned himself off so he didn't smell and got dressed in a pair of dry clothes. Once he sorted himself out he pressed some buttons on the control panel to his room until a small bot emerged from his wall; it would clean up the piss itself. He would have to disinfect the floor and cover up the lingering smell afterwards.

What sucked about the bots was that, while they got everything, they took fucking forever. So by the time the bot finished cleaning up the liquid fifteen minutes had already gone by, leaving the red paladin with no time to disinfect or scent mask the floor if he wanted to be on time to play games with Lance. In a compromise Keith decided to disinfect the floor so at least it was clean; after years of having the same routine to clean up after himself he couldn't just leave his room as is. He didn't want to leave it like it was either, when he came back it would probably smell so strongly of ammonia he would gag. Not how he wanted to end his night.

So seven minutes later, while he was mopping his floor- the whole floor, he might as well clean the whole thing- Lance suddenly opened his door and stomped in. The stomping wasn't really mad, it was more with determination for Lance to get Keith away from his room and into the common room like he promised. The blue paladin spotted Keith to the left of the door with the mop in his hand and went over to him. “Twenty minutes is up. Come on, play time.” He said, one hundred percent serious despite his juvenile words. He grabbed onto Keith’s wrist and started pulling him towards the door before he could even react.

The red paladin dropped the mop and instinctively dug his heels into the ground to keep himself from being dragged off; being dragged off in the middle of covering up an accident made him flashback to getting spanked for wetting his pants. He knew Lance meant no harm, but he felt the overwhelming urge to yank away because he needed this- the act of being drug out of his room by his friend- to stop. He didn't want to flashback right now. “Wait Lance! I'm cleaning! Let me finish!” He whined, trying to pull back out of Lance’s grip.

Lance gave him an exasperated look as he stopped pulling, but he didn't let go of Keith’s wrist. “What are you, OCD? It won't kill you to come back and finish cleaning later. It's not like Allura is going to spank you for not doing your chores.” The teen joked, aiming his joke at lowering Keith’s defenses so he would be more willing to be drug down the hall.

Instead, his joke made Keith tense as panic flared in his chest. _That was not a good thing to say around me_. He growled internally, his breathing suddenly picking up a little. He covered it up by moodily huffing and whining like his usual self. “Lance I'm literally almost done, I have one corner left. Let me finish. You can sit on my bed and watch me so you don't think I'm blowing you off.” He said, trying to get Lance to let go of his wrist and walk away from him and stop talking and let him go back to his process because he was starting to panic and he didn't want to do this right now and if he had to stay like this any longer he would start crying.

Lance gave him the eye. “If I get a please.” He said, still joking. He hadn't noticed Keith lowkey panicking yet- Keith didn't know if that was good or bad.

Keith clenched his teeth together for a second to keep his composure. He would play Lance’s silly game if it meant he could escape this situation. “Please.” He said, a warning edge to his voice that he purposefully made annoyed to cover up his panic.

The brunette smiled and let go of his wrist. “Okay!” He chirped as he walked over to Keith’s bed and flopped down on the covers like it was his own bed. He kept his shoes over the side, which Keith appreciated enough to let him stay as he was. “So what do you want to play first?” Lance asked, pulling the three decks of cards he had out of his jacket pocket- Keith hadn't even noticed he brought them with him.

Keith bent down to grab the mop and started cleaning the corner again, trying to vent his anxiety through the menial labor. “What about garbage? I don't really want to play traditional cards right now.” He would prefer something that required less focus until he calmed down enough to think. He scrubbed at the floor to occupy himself, praying that the lingering scent of ammonia wouldn't reach Lance’s senses.

Lance scrunched his nose up in disdain. “Garbage is named after what it is.” He said, a smile on his face despite the playful look of disgust still painted on it. “What about olde maid or canasta? I don't have canasta cards yet but we can still play with a normal deck.” He suggested.

“I'm up for olde maid.” Keith replied, keeping his gaze on the floor as he cleaned. He could feel his anxiety starting to fade the longer he cleaned and the longer Lance didn't say anything about any subjects surrounding his problem. But he was still nervous; he could smell pee even though his room smelled strongly of cleaner, and if his nose could detect it when he lived with the scent then Lance definitely smelled it too.

“Olde maid it is then.” Lance chirped happily as he put the two irrelevant decks back inside his jacket pocket. He took the cards out of the container and started shuffling them to entertain himself while he waited for Keith to finish cleaning.

After another minute Lance spoke up again. “Uh, Keith? I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but your room smells like cat pee.” He pointed out, putting the cards down momentarily to focus on Keith, who had frozen in place. They both knew there were no animals on this ship, which made Lance’s statement a very serious question. The teen furrowed his brow in slight concern as he watched his teammate struggle for an answer.

“Did you have another accident?” He asked, his voice low and cautious, like he knew he was starting on a sensitive topic. He stayed quiet while he waited for a response, watching the red paladin with a soft and non threatening gaze to keep from accidentally starting a stiff.

Keith stood still, roughly squeezing the end of the mop and using it as a makeshift stress toy. The urge to throw Lance out of his room in fear was extremely strong, but he didn't do it because it wouldn't solve his problem. It would actually make it far worse, because he would worry Lance and Lance would probably tell Shiro and Shiro would come question him and he couldn't deal with being asked about this topic by an authoritative figure because it made him panic like he was starting to panic now. He debated every answer he could give Lance, finding that he only had one that would be valid.

“Yes.” The word stung on his tongue and brought tears to his eyes. _Lance for the love of god do not keep asking questions. I can't do this._ He pleaded internally, trying to keep his struggle from showing outwardly. He was trying not to give Lance more of a reason to worry and ask questions.

Lance sat up and bit his lip, looking just as torn as Keith. “Are you okay?” He started slowly, approaching the topic carefully like he was walking on eggshells. “You've been having accidents since that day I found you in the hall. Are you getting sick?” He spoke slow, keeping his voice soft in volume and non judgemental in tone to keep this from going bad when it could so easily do so. “I'm just worried about you man. I'm sorry if it's a sensitive subject.”

_Lance you have no idea_. “I'm not getting sick.” Keith replied softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “At least not that I know of.” It was totally possible with how strongly his pee had been smelling lately, but that could also be from dehydration that was causing it to be extremely concentrated.

The brunette nodded slowly. “Okay.” He acknowledged, pausing to think of what to say next. “So then why? Do you have a problem?”

_Do you have a problem_.

Keith literally couldn't deal anymore. He took a deep and shaky breath, trying to get enough air in him so he could speak, because he only had a few seconds before he couldn't. “Lance, please don't be offended, but I need you to _shut the fuck up right now_. You're making me panic and if you don't stop _right now_ I'm going to hurt one of us.” He growled quickly, beginning to shake hard. He turned his head down so his bangs blocked his face and gripped the mop still clutched in his hands, which was the only thing keeping him standing. Without it he would be curled up on the floor and trying to hide inside himself. His chest was clenching painfully and making it hard to breathe. God, this hurt.

Lance shut up right away and froze as well. He understood the gravity of the situation and didn't want to make it worse. He watched the red paladin warily for a moment, looking scared for both of them. Keith didn't blame him. “Is it okay if I touch you?” He asked, very slowly leaning forward to get off the bed.

Keith knew he meant a hug or a hand on his back, but the animosity of the question and Lance moving to get up almost scared the literal shit out of him. “No nononono just stay there. I'll be fine I promise just give me some time to calm down.” He gasped, struggling to breathe with his clenching lungs. “You can talk to me, just stay there.”

Lance licked his lips worriedly. “What's your favorite card game?” He asked, trying to keep his voice normal. Despite his efforts his voice was deeply concerned, but Keith knew he was trying.

The red paladin licked his lips as well, trying to wet them again so they didn't stick together when he spoke. “Texas hold’em.” He replied shakily. “It was the first game I learned to play.”

The blue paladin snorted laughter, surprising Keith out of his panic for a short second. “Of course that would be your favorite game Texas.” He teased. “My favorite card game is probably canasta. Me and my mamá used to play with the littler kids in our laps to teach them.”

“Favorite space food.” Lance asked, laying down again to act more casual. Surprisingly, the small change in posture made Keith feel less like a hunted piece of prey and he calmed down more seeing that the other teen was comfortable enough to lay down.

“Can I chose none of the above?” Keith asked, totally serious but also trying to joke. The tremors shaking through his body were starting to subside as well and the crushed feeling in his chest was loosening. Whatever Lance was doing, it was helping.

Lance purses his lips and shook his head as he stared at the ceiling. “Nope. It's not a multiple choice question.” He said.

Keith smirked. “Yes it is. My choices are the foods and there's multiple of them.” He argued.

“You little shit.” Lance gasped. “Stop using my logic against me.”

Keith laughed. It was small and quiet and shaky with leftover adrenaline but it was a laugh. He breathed out heavily and let go of the mop, letting it fall into the corner of the room where the walls met. He scrubbed at his face for a second, rubbing some sensation back into the pale skin there. He felt cold and clammy and a little light even though he was breathing right again. Post-anxiety attack symptoms sucked ass.

Lance took Keith’s laugh as a good sign. “So are you okay? Not gonna rip my face off if I get off your bed?” He joked, trying to do something with what just happened so it wasn't left hanging open like a bloody wound. He had apparently been witnessing episodes of something very personal that caused his teammate a great deal of stress; he wanted to know where he was supposed to go from here so he didn't step on his toes.

The red paladin sighed and nodded. “I'm okay.” He said confidently. “You're good now, I'm sorry I flipped out.” He thought he actually did a very good job of staying calm and collected, he didn't break down in hysterical sobs and curl up in a corner.

Once he was given the okay, Lance stood up and walked over to Keith. He stood in front of him, smart enough to not touch him, and said, “I'm not gonna bring the topic up again, so don't freak out. But I just wanna say I'm sorry that I scared you, I didn't know. I won't bring it up again unless you want me to. I won't say anything to the others.”

Keith breathed so much easier hearing those words. “Thank you Lance. Really, I can't explain how much that means to me.” He said seriously. “I know that I have something I need to deal with that I've been hiding from you guys, but I'm not ready to tell you. I'll get there eventually. I'm sorry that I haven't said anything.” He said it, he confessed. Lance didn't know what his problem was or how it started but he just admitted that he knew he had a problem. It made him feel nerve wrecked but also like a fucking champ at the same time.

Lance smiled. “How about you apologize to me by agreeing to play a few rounds of poker?”

The only thing that got him out of explaining himself that time around was his nerves. That wasn't exactly a good thing.

The fourth time Lance caught him was the charm. But that was because it wasn't just Lance.

It was the whole fucking team.

The final time he was caught before everyone found out was game night. He knew it was game night too, so he left Red’s hanger early and headed to his room so he could pee and change. That way he could stay and play all night without having to worry about finding a decent amount of time to slip away to go again. Once he was with the team, he rarely left to relieve himself- he only did if it was in the very beginning or very end of something where he could just run and not get questioned.

It was just his luck that Lance went looking for him early too. It was where he was caught that hurt him the most; Lance grabbed his arm and started towing him towards the common room when he was in the same hall as his bedroom. He could literally see his door as he was yanked away from his process for the fourth time in two weeks. He had to pee so bad, but he couldn't bring himself to tell Lance even though he kind of knew about his problem. His silence resulted in Lance successfully tugging him all the way to the common room and pushing him down to sit on one of the white couches before he reacted.

He probably would have handled being forced into the situation he was about to endure better if he wasn't sat down on a couch- a pristine white couch. He immediately flashbacked to every time he was yelled at for sitting on couches or other cushioned furniture and the times he was forcibly shoved off because his foster parents didn't want him ruining the furniture. He always chose the floor as a suitable place to sit now, even in his own room he never sat on his bed unless he planned on sleeping. So, as a result of the memories flooding into his mind, his immediate instinct was to get up and sit down on the floor in front of the couch.

An arm bared across his chest prevented him from doing that. He looked to his left to see Lance sitting down next to him, his face serious. He was holding him down so he couldn't leave. The thought of being forced to stay here until he started wetting made his chest clench uncomfortably. He noticed Lance’s lips moving and tuned in to hear the last of his sentence. “-on’t want to start late again. Take a chill pill and enjoy the game.” Lance said, not dropping his arm. He was waiting for Keith to agree to stay before he stopped holding him down.

Keith’s mouth ran dry. He wanted to argue that he wanted, that he _needed_ , to do something before they started game night. He wanted to try and force Lance away so he could get up and book it for his room, lock the door and complete his process so he could play with the team comfortably. But he knew that anything he tried doing to find some relief would end in questions, questions, and more questions.

The red paladin’s mouth hung open for a second before he could bring himself to speak. “Can I at least sit on the floor?” He asked, knowing that it was a weird request. He could claim that he would be closer to the board, but that was a shallow cover. It would be nice to just be able to say ‘ _I really need to take a piss and I would like to go back to my room so I can do so in peace,_ ’ but that wasn't an option. They wouldn't let him go because there was a bathroom in the hall leading to the common room and it made no sense that he had to go all the way to his room just to pee. If he argued that actually _yes he did need to go back to his room_ they would ask questions. Things would go downhill fast from there.

Lance gave him a weird look and shook his head. “You look like you're about to pop a blood vessel from stress. Relax and take a seat on the couch. Someone else’ll sit on the floor instead.” He urged, still holding his arm against Keith’s chest. There was no pressure to the action anymore, but the threat of the arm acting as a barrier intimidated Keith enough to keep him from shoving Lance’s arm away and getting up.

_I'm about to pop a blood vessel because you're making me sit on this couch_. He thought bitterly. “...fine.” Keith agreed reluctantly. Already feeling the beginnings of anxiety pooling in his stomach. He was going to regret saying that later. He just sealed his fate, the whole team was going to see him piss in his pants. He was going to ruin the couch and probably get yelled at by Allura for it-at the very least, he expected the whole team to join in too- and it didn't help that Lance made the spanking joke a few days earlier in an attempt to lift his spirits. He looked around the room and felt a small weight lift off his chest when he noticed the princess wasn't in the room. _Good_. If she was he might have broke down then and there in a mix of guilt, fear, disgust, self-hate, and despair.

Lance eyed him for a second before he lowered his arm. After another second he turned away from the other teen and started setting up the game with Pidge’s help. Pidge was already enthusiastically trash talking, calling that she would win the game after single-handedly forcing them all into bankruptcy. Lance was laughing at her outlandish predictions while Shiro and Hunk sat down in their respective seats to play. They decided Hunk would be the banker and Shiro would hold properties- they were the two who were the least competitive with board games, they wouldn't be tempted to cheat like the younger paladins.

Keith normally loved playing games with the team, but with the inevitable desperation weighing his stomach down heavily he couldn't focus enough to care. He really wished he left the lions’ hanger earlier or didn't consent to staying here, because he could have enjoyed this game if he did either of those things. Instead he was going to suffer, barely paying attention and sitting in painful silence while his lungs slowly closed in on themselves and his mind clouded with anxiety until he broke.

This was not how he wanted the team to find out.

Pidge won the honor of going first by arguing that the youngest should go first. After her, the order would be Hunk, himself, Lance, then Shiro. They were all sitting closely to the table so they could reach, Pidge, Hunk, and Shiro sitting on the floor while he and Lance sat on the couch they pulled the table towards. _Too close_. He was trapped behind the table too, it was pressed up against his knees and he had Lance on one side and Hunk on the other. He couldn't leave even if he wanted to.

Lance gently bumped his arm with his elbow when it was his turn. He grabbed the dice and rolled a number that he didn't pay attention to then moved his piece- the red one, to match his lion- the correct number of spaces. He leaned back a little and rested his elbows on his knees, feet flat on the floor and his back hunched over insecurely. He tried making it look casual so he wasn't questioned, figuring that keeping his legs open and keeping his head up would be enough to offset any worries the others might have.

The red paladin desperately wanted to squeeze his thighs together and twist them together like a pretzel if it meant postponing him wetting in front of the team. He had to pee so bad, he wasn't going to be able to hold it more than a few minutes into the game. He was used to completely ignoring his body from years of practice though, which caused him to continued playing mindlessly, his bladder contracting randomly to try and force itself to empty.

It took seven rounds of play before he felt pee start to leak into his jeans, slowly and steadily wetting his underwear. As soon as he felt the warm liquid in his lap he froze- no one noticed right away because he hadn't been moving unless it was his turn in the game. He sat completely still, hunched over like he had been sitting, staring blindly at the game board as tears welled up in his eyes. He stopped breathing when the stain reached the crotch of his skinny jeans and then the insides of his thighs, slowly soaking the fabric as if to mock him. It was only his mind overreacting however, he always wet slow at first because it took his muscles a second to relax completely after being contracted for so long.

He felt a gently pat on his right elbow and it felt like a damn burst inside him. Piss started gushing out of him, soaking his belly, flooding his lap and overflowing onto his hips and streaming down their sides to the couch cushion. He turned his head down and hid his face in his hands, blocking the other paladins out as much as he could. The same hand that patted his elbow rested on his shoulder, causing quaking tremors to shake his body uncontrollably.

The red paladin was panicking and three out of four of his closest friends were watching, completely clueless as to what was wrong. The other friend had an inkling but didn't know what the problem was either, which didn't help at all. He was remembering what used to happen when he got caught wetting and what happened when he got caught wetting on the couch, reliving each painful memory with terrifying clarity. _That wouldn't happen this time_. Yes it would.

He still hadn't taken a breath yet. His lungs burned with the desire to breathe but they felt shriveled and crushed beyond use in the confines of his cramping chest. Spots floated in his vision behind his eyelids and his awareness of the room started to become fuzzy.

A big, strong hand pounded on his back once, and he sucked in a deep lungful of air. It burned painfully but satisfied the deep aching want to breathe. His senses came back slowly one by one after that; first his skin tingled to life, allowing him to feel that the piss soaking his clothes was cold. There were no hands touching him. Then he could hear words being whispered to him from multiple angles and several different voices.

“Keith, breathe kiddo. It's okay.” Shiro coached softly, his voice directly in front of the teen’s face. The red paladin had never been told that before, especially not by an adult. It caused air to seize in his throat again until the big hand on his back forced him to take another breath. It hurt but he needed to do it.

On the next exhale he let out a hard, wracking sob. He wrapped his arms tightly around his midsection, hunching forward until his head was between his knees. They knew, they just watched him piss in his fucking pants, there was no way he could cover this up. He was covered in it, the couch and the floor was covered in it, and probably even Lance got a little wet too. He smelled like over concentrated cat pee and because he was panicking the smell was twenty times stronger to him. It made him want to gag.

He heard shuffling, like some of the others were going to move closer and try to hug him or rub his back. _Please don't._ He thought helplessly, quaking even harder at the thought of being touched. He felt a small movement in the air in front of himself and then words that accompanied it. “Don't touch him. It'll make it worse.” Lance said that. He blocked someone from touching him. _Thank you Lance_. He thought as tears started streaming down his cheeks.

No one was speaking anymore, which was slightly comforting but also not. It made him feel alone and unwatched- which he wanted right now, he preferred to be alone during his process- but at the same time it made him feel abandoned and unwanted. They mentally checked out of the situation, they weren't going to deal with him, they were going to leave just like everyone he’d ever known.

“Keith?” He heard Lance call again, his voice low and soft and in his left ear. “What's my favorite card game?” He asked, going quiet while he waited for an answer. Was he trying to calm Keith down? He didn't know what his favorite card game was, he and Lance didn't-

The night when Lance asked about his problem popped into his head. That's right, Lance talked to him until he came down from his panic attack. They discussed cards. His own favorite card game was Texas hold’em and Lance’s was….

“....canasta.” He stuttered out, his voice nothing more than a scared and watery squeak. He hated the way his own voice sounded. He was so pathetic. He was being a baby; he just wet himself like a baby and now he was crying about it like a baby. This was team Voltron, they wouldn't pull him over their lap and spank him but just like- _what if they did?_

Lance gave a small clap. “Wow, you remembered what I said. Do you remember why it's my favorite?” He prompted, his voice growing a little more distant as he leaned back casually. That helped, it really did. His foster parents and the people at the orphanage always got in his face when this happened, having someone acting so calm about it and actually leaning away instead of forward made him feel less threatened.

He was quiet while he thought, occasional sniffles and almost sobs leaving him to fill the silence. “Um-” He stuttered, trying to remember. He needed to be fast, he always had to be fast when people questioned him like this. If he stalled they hurt him more. “I-I-I d-don't kn-know.” He forced out, hoping that a bad answer was better than no answer.

Lance clicked his tongue in playful disapproval. “Me and my mamá played while the kids watched and learned.” He enlightened him, not getting mad or lashing out that he forgot. He really didn't mind that he didn't remember.

“What's my favorite space food?” He asked again.

Keith licked his dry lips to wet them again. “You never told me.” He said, more confident and less shaky than before. He even dared to turn his face enough to look up at Lance, who was leaning back with his arms over the couch and smiling down at him. He didn't look mad at all and that was really comforting. The others were so quiet he could almost forget they were there. This felt just like what happened in his room.

Lance purses his lips and nodded. “Okay, that's fair.” He agreed. “I like the weird purple flan stuff that Hunk made. We had it a month ago after we left Prozark?” He explained, tilting his head in a question of if Keith remembered. He did. The flan tasted like heavy cream and grapes. He liked it too, but he wasn't a sweets person.

Keith took a deep breath in when he felt his chest start to unclench. “Yeah, I remember that.” He said, his voice finally clam. He was still shaking and curled in on himself-he didn't think he would sit up for awhile, he didn't want to see the mess he’d made or reveal it to the others- but he was feeling better. He could see and think and hear and feel without being overwhelmed with anxiety.

Lance smiled. “Yeah, then you know why I loved it.” He said confidently. There was a pause where they were both quiet and their eyes met, but it ended when Keith redirected his eyes to the arm of the couch opposite of him. The red paladin closed his eyes and took another calming breath to steady himself as the tremors finally died down. He didn't sit up, he still wasn't ready to do that. Sitting up meant admitting what he just did.

The blue paladin spoke up a moment later. “Feeling better?” He asked. He was calm and patient while he waited for a response and his quiet made Keith realize that _yes, he did feel better_.

He nodded and breathed out calmly. “I'm okay.” He replied, not committing himself to anything else. He was okay, he wasn't in danger, he wasn't hurt, he wasn't sick. He was just okay.

“Do you want to sit up?” Lance offered as he looked to the other people in the room, who were probably confused and worried as hell right now. They were probably disgusted too, who knows how long he had been sitting there in a puddle of his own piss. Keith’s chest cramped a little at the thought of sitting up and having to face the rest of the team. Lance noticed. “You don't have to right now. You can sit up when you're ready.” He assured him, speaking a little faster than he had been to get it out before Keith fell back into panic.

The red paladin nodded again. He closed his eyes and breathed in, out, in, out. He calmed down from the small burst of fear that Lance’s question caused and tried to work up the courage to face the team. He would never be ready to explain why he was like this, so if he didn't make himself he would never do it. With one last calming breath he sat up, keeping his arms around his stomach and looking to the side where no one was. He left his legs open so they could see the mess he made. It was their choice to do whatever they wanted with what they saw.

“Is there something wrong Keith?” Shiro asked, his voice dripping with concern. “You stopped breathing for more than a minute, you scared us. We can understand if it's not something you want to talk about now, but I think it might help to get it off your chest.” He was speaking slowly and for the whole team, taking his time to choose the right words to convey what he wanted to say. Like a true leader.

Keith turned his head to look at Shiro and looked at the bridge of his nose so he didn't have to meet his eyes. Shiro looked worried and deeply concerned without a trace of disgust on his face. That assurance gave him the courage to speak. “Yes, there is something wrong.” He started slowly, choosing to stare at his lap instead of looking at his friends. “And I do want to tell you guys. But it's something I've kept a secret for a long time, it'll be hard to come out about it.

“I want to change first, then I can come back and explain. And set ground rules so I don't panic when I start talking.” He said, confident that if the could control the environment he would be fine. If he felt in control then he could get through the explanation.

Shiro nodded in understanding in the corner of his vision. “That sounds reasonable. Do you want someone to go with you? Or do you want to go alone?” He was already leaning forward to stand in case Keith took the offer.

The red paladin shook his head. “No, I'll be fine by myself. It'll be better if I'm alone.” He promised. If he was alone then he could slip back into his process; he’d been doing it for so long and doing it so effectively that it brought him an odd sense of security. If he was alone he also wouldn't have to fear that he would be spanked by the person walking next to him.

The black paladin leaned back again. “Okay. I'll clean up the mess, don't worry about it.” He said, shocking Keith into stuttering silence. No one had ever offered to clean up after him.

No one on the team laughed or made fun of him or even made a face of disgust. They were just worried for him. It almost brought tears to his eyes to know that they cared so much. You guys are too nice. He thought tearfully as he moved to stand. Hunk moved out of his way so he could leave and pulled the table away a little so he wouldn't trip. Keith thanked him with a small voice and walked away from the group, looking over his shoulder every few seconds in paranoia that someone would follow. But no one did.

Once he was a few hallways down from the common room he relaxed completely and stopped watching his back. He pretended like he wasn't caught and he just wet in the hallway like he used to before Lance started finding out. Pretending that no one knew made him feel safer and allowed him to slip back into his process easily. His process was easy and simple and didn't change.

He walked into his room and locked the door. He immediately stripped down to nothing and clean himself up, deciding to take a shower after game night; he would probably wet at least one more time before the end of today and he wanted to go to sleep feeling clean. Once he didn't smell anymore he got dressed in a new, dry outfit and took his time putting on the clothes. He really didn't want to go back and face the team again, but he knew he had to. It was now or never, and he really didn't have a choice anymore after he consented to explain.

He stood in front of his full body mirror, watching his expression for a moment. He looked like a wreck: his hair was knotted and tangled from him messing with it, his eyes were red and puffy from crying and his cheeks were dry with left over tears. He sighed and grabbed his brush to fix his hair and walked into his connected bathroom to wash his face. He locked the door to the bathroom too and washed his face as fast as possible, not wanting to be in there longer than he had to. He could make himself walk into the bathroom for some things, but it had to be under certain conditions and he could only stay in there for so long before he started flashbacking and panicking.

Once he fixed his appearance so he didn't look like a mess anymore he went to his door. He had nothing left to do to try to postpone his fate. He took in a deep, settling breath before he unlocked and opened his door. No one was behind it or even in the same hallway, which was comforting. He left his room and started down the hallway at a slow pace; he wasn't in a rush to see his friends at the moment.

It took him a few minutes to get back to the common room; it felt like it was a few hours too early. He really didn't want to do this. If he could pretend like today never happened and he could ask everyone to never bring up his problem again he would do it. But he knew he couldn't, his team was too caring to let him go back to hiding.

Everyone was exactly where they had been when he left. The board game was still on the table too, no one had bothered to pick it up or they were leaving it purposely in hopes that they could go back to playing after he explained- he would actually like that. Everyone looked up at him when he entered, which made him look down at the floor timidly. He felt intimidated by their gazes even if they were soft and not judgemental.

Lance got up to let him get to his seat this time. Keith whispered his thanks as he shifted over to his seat, which was completely clean- no left over smell or stain. It was like he never had an accident. He felt the couch sink a little as Lance sat down next to him again. Keith sighed and did his best to sit up straight or lean back instead of hunching forward, holding his hands in his lap and fiddling with them nervously. He stared down at his lap as well, still a little too anxious about this to look at them. He didn't want to see their expressions while he confessed.

While he sat there quietly the rest of the team didn't speak either. They say patiently with their eyes on him, waiting for him to be ready to speak. He appreciated that a lot, he didn't want to be rushed. Their willingness to wait helped him relax.

After another few minutes of silence the red paladin spoke up. “Before I say anything, I want to set some ground rules.” He said softly, his voice low and cautious. He thought what he would ask of them would be reasonable, but they might not. He hoped they would be okay with his rules.

“What are they?” Lance asked when he was quiet for too long. If he was the only one that spoke to Keith then the teen would be able to do this easier. Lance had seen him like this a few times before, he knew how he would react. The blue paladin wouldn't suddenly lash out at him.

Keith took in a breath. “This is going to be hard for me, so I might stop talking; if I do just be quiet, I'll start again when I'm ready.” He said first. “Even if I cry don't comfort me and don't touch me. I'll be fine. Don't go behind me either. If you guys have questions I can answer them when I'm done. Just don't interrupt.”

“We can do that.” Lance said confidently as he sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “So what's up?” His calm and casual tone was comforting.

The red paladin shifted in his seat so he was more comfortable and leaned into the couch; having the couch up against his back had the same grounding effect as standing with his back to a wall. He felt like no one could creep up behind him or hurt him while he spoke. The others stayed quietly and waited patiently like he asked, which would have made him smile if he wasn't so nervous.

Finally, with one last sigh he started talking. “You guys know that I'm an orphan.” He wanted to start on a topic the team was already somewhat aware of so that he could build towards his problem. They would understand better if they knew the reason before the issue. “I lost them when I was really young, I was six. I was immediately put in the system because I didn't have any more family members left to take me in.”

He stopped talking for a moment and tears pricked at his eyes. Just thinking about what he would say next was causing the voices of the three bullies to ring in his ears. He could hear their threats, their taunts, their laughs. His body started shaking lightly with adrenaline and a few tears slipped down his cheek. But no one touched him or spoke to him.

“Some fucked up shit happened to me in that orphanage.” He started again, his voice shaking and strained. He sniffed loudly to keep his nose from running and continued. “Within a few days of me getting there a few of the older kids- they were probably teens- offered to make me ‘feel good.’” He laughed bitterly for a second. “I thought they meant they would cuddle with me.

“The next night three of the kids asked me to meet them in the bathroom after everyone had gone to bed. And I did.” His heart was pounding in his chest anxiously, but he could still breathe thankfully. He gave into his desire to lean forward and hide and hunched forward kind of like Lance, but with his fingers tangled in his hair. More tears slipped down his face and started dropping onto his clothes.

His voice was shaking so bad at this point he was almost certain he wasn't understandable. “Those kids raped me, all at the same time. I tried screaming for help, but no one heard me; the walls were sound proof and everyone was sleeping. A-and when they heard me crying for help...they threatened to get me again the next time I used the bathroom if they found out I told anyone.

“I was so scared of them, but I told every adult in the orphanage anyway. I didn't know what else to do.” Keith covered his face with his hands and stopped breathing for a second. On his next breath he let out a heartbroken sob. “No one believed me. I showed them my bruises and everything but they didn't believe me. They thought I was just seeking attention.

“When the adults didn't do anything I knew I was fucked. They weren't going to protect me. The three kids that raped me kept glaring at me and threatening me because they saw me telling on them. They hit me and groped me when no one was looking.

“I knew they would rape me again if I used the bathroom, so I didn't. I held it until I pissed my pants every day because I didn't want to get hurt again. But the adults still thought that I was seeking attention by wetting myself. They spanked me every time I refused to use the bathroom and they made me clean up the mess. But I kept doing it because I thought it was better than facing those three again.” He didn't stop talking once he got to his problem. If he stopped he wouldn't start again. He was finally confessing everything that happened after ten years of staying quiet and suffering alone and his four closest friends were sitting quietly and patiently and _listening_. Telling them burned and stung like hell, but it felt so good to let someone know his burden.

He made sure he told them everything. “Eventually everyone found out I was telling the truth when another kid got raped a month later. The kids got sent juvy I think. But they were finally gone. I thought I could go back to using the bathroom and act like nothing happened….b-but whenever I walked in there I panicked. I flashbacked to the rape and I couldn't do it. So I kept wetting myself. Everyone told me I was gross and stupid because the bullies were gone and I had nothing to worry about. But I was so scarred that I developed a phobia of bathrooms before I could stop it.

“I still don't go into bathrooms, the therapist the orphanage made me talk to couldn't help. I stopped seeing her when I went to the Garrison and just dealt with it on my own. No one found out and no one knew, so I hid it. I acted like a normal person.”

Keith sniffles again and turned his face to look at Lance. The other teen was crying too and leaning forward in the same position as him, his hands covering his mouth and nose. Their eyes met and for the first time Keith didn't look away. Seeing him so distraught over himself made Keith cry harder. “L-lance, e-every t-time you found m-me pissing on myself, t-that was on purpose. It wasn't an accident.” He didn't even know if this was new information to the rest of the team or not, Lance might have told them while they waited for him to come back.

The red paladin closed his eyes but didn't hide his face again. “I'm really sorry I never told you guys, you deserved to know. It's just that I hate myself so much for the way I am and I'm so grossed by the way I deal with my phobia that I didn't want you guys to know. I haven't told anyone for ten years, and the only people that knew from day one ridiculed me and hated me for it. I thought I would lose you guys if you ever found out.”

“I'm sorry.” He stopped talking; that was it. He just explained himself completely without running away. He _fucking did it_. After ten years of silence he just managed to tell four of the closest people he’d ever known. It was nerve wracking, especially since he hadn't looked at them and seen their reaction yet. He almost didn't want to look.

But he did, and he was so relieved to see three other faces filled with sympathy and tears and not disgust or hate. He cleared his throat so he could talk again. “I-I'm done. You guys can talk now.” He wanted to know their thoughts, he could take it. If they were this accepting ok the outside, how bad could what they had to say be?

Lance spoke up first, which he kind of expected. He knew about this the longest. “Man _what the fuck?_ How did you live with that for ten years by yourself? That's really fucked up.” He said, uncovering his mouth and sitting up a little bit. “Can I like give you a hug?” He asked seriously, nothing but want to comfort his friend on his face.

Keith laughed a cry and smiled through his tears but shook his head. “Not yet. Ask questions first.” He would break down if he was comforted, and he didn't want to do that before hey got to ask their questions. He knew they had some, how could they not?

“So how do you do it? Like where? There aren't many secluded places in the castle where you definitely couldn't get caught.” Pidge asked. That was a fair question.

It was awkward to answer though. If it wasn't weird to explain how he ran his process, it was definitely weird talking about pee after ignoring the subject for ten years. “Um.” He started smartly, trying to think of a compacted version of his process, because he had several depending on the situation. “I do whatever I’m doing until I get really desperate. Then I usually walk to my room and either pee on the way there or sit on my floor until I can't hold it. Then I clean everything up and change and go back to what I was doing.”

It was quiet for a moment, but it didn't feel oppressive. They were probably just thinking of things to ask and in what order. Lance, like he usually did, broke the silence. “Okay, wait. I don't know if this is a stupid question or not but just like- do you shit yourself too??” He couldn't not ask. If Keith avoided the bathroom when he had to pee it made sense for him to avoid it when he had to shit.

Despite that logic Keith scrunched up his nose in disgust. “Ew, no. I draw the line at that.” He said. It was too much to clean up and was even more disgusting than pissing himself. “I mean….for the first month, yeah. The other kids were still there. But after they were gone I forced myself to at least endure that. It's also different; no one’s going to try and shove a dick in me while I'm shitting right?” That logic is what convinced him to fix half of his problem.

Lance nodded his head in agreement. “Okay, I just wanted to make sure, I had to ask.” He said with a watery but playful smile.

Keith copied it. “No, it's okay.” They had the right to ask these kinds of questions.

Hunk was the next one to ask something. “Do you get sick a lot? And are you sick now? I don't think you cared to look but the pee on the couch was really dark yellow, almost brown. That's not healthy.” He’d already heard Lance made that comment two weeks ago. He was aware piss wasn't supposed to be brown.

“Yeah, I got a lot of UTIs. But I'm not sick right now, I'm just dehydrated. I don't drink as much as I should because I pee less. Less mess, less chance of getting caught, the less I have to deal with it.” It wasn't very good logic, but it was logic. And it kept his secret for ten years, so it wasn't very flawed.

Shiro frowned at that, but he didn't look mad. He looked extremely concerned. “You shouldn't do that. Especially up here in space when we’re fighting Zarkon. You can't afford to get sick.” Somehow Keith knew he was saying that as in ‘I don't want you getting hurt in battle because you're sick’ and not ‘youre jeopardizing the team.’

The red paladin sighed and turned his head to face Shiro. “Yeah I know. Lance already gave me that pep talk.” He said as he looked at the blue paladin. “Sorry I ignored your advice.”

Lance shook his head and held his hands beside his head. “Dude, I'm not offended. Before I thought you did what I asked and were just getting sick, but now that I know you're just being a little shit I feel better.” He smirked at the nickname he called the other teen, and Keith couldn't keep himself from mirroring.

Keith rubbed his face with his hands, unable to get the stupid smile off of his face. “You're such a shit Lance.” He said, although there was no bite to his words.

“I know.” The brunette laughed.

Shiro rolled his eyes at them. “Okay, enough of that.” He started, trying to change the subject slightly. “So Keith, have you tried doing anything besides peeing your pants? Like maybe going in a container and then dumping it out?”

He...actually never thought of that. “No.” He admitted shyly, his face burning with embarrassment because he hadn't thought of such a simple solution. “But it wouldn't have been something I would have wanted to try; I would still have to walk to a bathroom to dump it, and someone would see me holding a container of piss and give me a weird look.”

The black paladin nodded. “Would you be willing to try now?” He was trying to help him fix his issue without telling him to just get over it, which he appreciated. The team wanted to work with him instead of work _him_. They actually understood he was traumatized and that he couldn't just stop what he was doing.

Keith looked at the floor for a minute and thought. “Where would I get a container?” He asked, trying to deflect the question for a minute. This was still awkward as fuck to talk about and giving straightforward answers was weird.

Hunk smiled and perked up. “There’s a lot of unused dishes in the kitchen. Maybe we could give you one.” He offered. Which was nice, but Keith didn't exactly want to think of Hunk when he tried peeing.

“Uh.” The red paladin stuttered, his face burning even brighter in embarrassment. “This is awkward as fuck.” He said as he covered his eyes so he didn't have to look at anyone.

Lance laughed from next to him. “Yeah, it is.”

Keith stayed quiet for a few seconds before he answered. He did want his problem fixed, he hated doing what he did as an alternative; but he didn't really want to have to work to fix it. That would take time and he just wanted it to end now. Just because the team knew didn't mean he would suddenly be more open about it either, he would go right back to his process if he didn't do something to fix it. But was he willing to put in the effort?

“Yeah, I can try it.” He finally agreed, uncovering his eyes to look at Hunk. “But I probably won't remember to use it for awhile. I'm so used to just letting go, I'll forget.” That was probably going to be the hardest part. He would also going to keep it in his room- there was no way he was carrying that thing around- so he could accidentally slip into his process and ignore the fact that he had an alternative.

“We could remind you.” Lance suggested. “And maybe if you made a schedule or something so you didn't always pee when you were about to have an accident it would be easier to remember?”

Keith sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. This was going to be so much work. “I only had accidents for ten years, I don't know how long I'm supposed to wait. One of you guys would have to make it.” He didn't even pay attention to how much time passed between accidents, so he wouldn't know how long he could hold it.

“I'll do it.” Pidge accepted. She was the one on the team with the most book smarts, she probably had some knowledge in biology and all the related topics.

The red paladin nodded and thanked her. He was about to say something when he was cut off by a laugh from beside him. “So Keith, you do realize that now that everyone knows I'm making you drink your weight in water every day right?” Lance cackled. He did already tell him to drink more once, and because he didn't do it he would step in and make sure he did it himself.

Keith groaned. “Great. Are you trying to turn me into a human sprinkler?” He asked, venting his frustration that he would have to actually deal with his problem now. He wanted it gone and everything, but he was going to hate fixing it. He was going to have a whole new routine that he had to get used to now.

Lance stuck his tongue out. “At least for a few days, hell yeah. I'm surprised you're not sick and you're probably on your way there. You need to flush your system out.” He said seriously.

“So what if we go on a mission or we meet with another possible ally? If you're pumping me full of water I won't be able to hold it, and you guys know I'm not using a bathroom.” That was one of the main issues he was worried about. The promise of still having an alternative way to deal with his issue while in the ship made him kind of okay with drinking more, but he didn't have that outside the ship. And he couldn't just rid his system of the water if they suddenly had to leave for something.

“Bring the container with you and leave it in Red?” Hunk suggested with a shrug of his shoulders. “I mean, no one other than you is going to be in her most of the time. I could always give you a smaller one to leave in her so it'll fit in a compartment somewhere.”

They were trying so hard to make this work for him, he felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of gratitude he had towards them. He felt tears pricking at his eyes again but he didn't let them fall. _People don't cry because their friends are trying to help them pee properly_. He thought to himself, trying to keep his composure. “Yeah, okay. That works.”

“So is that it? No more questions?” Keith asked, sitting up straighter as he started to feel more confident. For the first time he had someone- actually more than one, he had four people- willing to help him overcome his issue. He felt like he could actually do this with their support. He didn't feel as bad about the situation either, knowing that they accepted him as he was.

The red paladin looked around and saw his teammates shake their heads. Shiro spoke up to say one last thing though. “You'll have to start doing exposure training too you know. So eventually you'll be able to use a bathroom again.” He said, looking Keith in the eye.

Keith smiled at him and didn't look away. “I know.” He said, unable to keep the tears at bay anymore. But he didn't hide when they started pouring down his cheeks. Instead, he sat up straight and turned to Lance. With a short laugh he said, “I'll take that hug now.”

Lance smirked and leaned forward to embrace him, and shortly after another three pairs of arms joined in the hug. Keith let them hug him and sucked up the affection like a sponge. The embrace didn't feel oppressive or constructing even though he was surrounded by people; he even had someone hugging him from behind so they all fit in the hug. But he wasn't panicking, he trusted his friends not to hurt him.

“Thank you guys.”

They went back to game night like usual after that. Pidge won monopoly three times over despite the efforts of everyone else, then they played random card games for the rest of the night. No one brought up the discussion they had and no one acted differently towards Keith, which soothed any lingering worries the teen had. The team was still the team.

The games ended around midnight- based on the clocks Coran and Allura helped them set up to keep track of earth time- when Pidge started falling asleep. Once her head dipped down and bounced back up a few times Shiro decided that they should go to bed, or at least to their rooms and do whatever they wanted. Pidge and Shiro went straight to their rooms after picking up the games, but Hunk and Lance asked Keith to follow them into the kitchen.

While Hunk rummaged through the cabinets for two suitable containers to give Keith, Lance grabbed a water bottle and filled it halfway to the top with cool water. He handed it to Keith and said, “Here, drink all of that before you go to sleep.” The sentence wasn't quite a command, but it wasn't a suggestion. “It's not that much, but it'll make me feel confident you won't faint in the morning.”

Keith reluctantly took the water bottle and sighed. This was going to be hard to get used to. He wasn't used to people fussing over him in general and he definitely wasn't used to people fussing over his issue. No one he ever lived with before made sure he drank enough water even if they caught him wetting and noticed the dark color of his pee. They never even asked if he was sick, they just took him to the doctor if he complained of being in pain. “Okay.” He agreed.

Hunk stood up with a slight groan and turned to the other two teens, holding two plastic-y containers in his hands. One looked like a mixing bowl and the other kind of like a thermos. _Yay, every time I piss I'll think of Hunk baking cookies_. He thought as his face lit up in embarrassment. This would definitely take some getting used to.

“Okay, I'm pretty sure you can guess which one is supposed to stay in Red.” Hunk said as he held the bowl out to Keith with the thermos inside it. If being handed the two things- knowing that the two people in the same room knew what they were meant for- wasn't embarrassing enough, Hunk decided to add in, “I tried to find things with big rims since you, ya know, probably haven't had to aim your whole life.”

Keith hid his face in his hands and shook his head, his face burning redder than his lion. “How am I gonna live through this with you guys?” He asked, not really expecting an answer. It felt so good to know that someone knew and was okay with it, but he hadn't anticipated the fucking _jokes_. And that wasn't even a joke, Hunk looked completely serious.

Lance laughed and patted his shoulder. “You'll be fine. Soon you won't mind at all, you're sharing living space with an uncle of two and a sibling to five, I'm used to discussing all the fun topics.” He snickered.

Yay. “The comments better stay on the ship and stay away from Coran and Allura. Or someone is getting pummeled.” He knew he couldn't escape all the joking and comments, that was the nature of his teammates and he loved it even if it was embarrassing. But he wasn't letting them make jokes in front of anyone who didn't know about his issue, he wasn't re-explaining himself and he wasn't letting the other paladins do it either.

“I can try to manage that.” Lance teased. “But yeah, seriously, don't worry. I'm not that much of an ass.” Keith knew that, but hearing the blue paladin say it made him relax. Verbal confirmation did that to him.

Keith finally worked up the courage to uncover his face and take the bowl from Hunk. “Thanks guys.” He said softly as he put the water bottle in the bowl as well so he had less things to carry back to his room. He held the item in a hug to his stomach so he could kind of hug himself around the bowl. He was still insecure about the plan the team helped him make to start him towards getting over his trauma, but hopefully he would get used to it in a few days. Realistically, it would probably actually be weeks or even months. He hoped it wouldn't take that long.

The red paladin turned to leave and started walking towards the door when he heard Lance speak up one more time. “Keith, can I ask one more question?” He waited for consent before asking the actual question, which made Keith happy. Despite all the jokes and comments they still respected his privacy.

Said teen stopped right as he was about to walk out the door and turned his head to look at his friend. “Yeah?”

Lance leaned on the counter in front of him. “Do you wet your bed?” He expected to get an answer based on the shade of red Keith’s face would turn, but surprisingly the teen had a poker face. He didn't look embarrassed or grossed out or anything.

“Consciously or unconsciously?” Keith asked in return, needing that clarification before he answered.

“Either.”

Keith shrugged. “If I wake up in the middle of the night needing to pee, yeah.” He said, not that embarrassed about it because it didn't usually happen anymore. He tended to wet right before bed, so he was empty when he went to sleep. “But not really anymore.”

Lance didn't look disgusted at that either, even though he flopped down on Keith’s bed a few days ago. Instead, he clicked his tongue and said, “Don't go back to doing that, because if I find out you do I'm going to wake you up every night at like two am and make you pee. In front of me. Because I'm not stupid enough to leave your room, you'll lock me out, and you have a phobia of bathrooms, so you can't go in there.”

Yeah, that was enough of a threat to make him not wet his bed anymore. “You could always wait in the bathroom.” He pointed out just to mess with Lance, but he was pretty sure Lance took it as an agreement because of the smirk on his face.

The blue paladin stuck his tongue out at him. “You can lock me in there too.” He replied flatly, but it was playful. “Just don't be lazy okay?”

“I'll try.”

.o.O.o.

Keith groaned and rolled over on his bed to look up at his alarm clock; it was four am. He never woke up this early, the earliest he usually woke up was eight. He was tired, both mentally and physically from the day before. Confessing to his friends took a lot out of him. But that was also why he was awake right now instead of sleeping.

Because Lance asked him to drink what was in that water bottle before bed, he woke up at the crack of dawn, desperate to pee. He sighed and hid his face in his pillow and settled down on his stomach on his bed, ready to wait out the feeling until it disappeared and he could go back to sleep. It didn't take long either, within a minute he could feel himself leaking into hi-

_Oh shit_. Keith shot his hands down to his crotch and squeezed himself hard, hoping to cut off the small stream that had started. He was really conflicted about whether or not he actually wanted to stop; letting himself continue to have an accident would be relief and he could go back to sleep, but he was supposed to be using the container Hunk gave him instead. It made the desperation twenty times worse, but he managed to stop peeing just before it started getting on his mattress.

The red paladin groaned again in extreme discomfort and stayed where he was for a moment, sure that if he moved he would lose it. He hadn't don't this in so long, he actually didn't miss it. After a few seconds he managed to kick his blanket off and sit up, his hands still between his legs and gripping tightly. He switched the hold on himself for tightly crossing his legs so he could grab the thermos- he hadn't put it in Red yet, he was tired and his room was nearly pitch black, he wasn't playing with aim; he could just stick the tip of his member inside the bottle, it was wide enough.

He unscrewed the top of the thermos and put it next to his thigh where he could find it again, then focused on trying to get himself out of his pants without having an accident. He got his pants unbuttoned and unzipped easily, but getting a hand in his underwear and pulling himself out to aim before he couldn't hold it would be hard. He whimpered desperately as his bladder contracted and grabbed himself again, being smart enough to not grab himself through his clothes, but get his hand under them first.

He moaned as he searched for the thermos with his other hand. It would be so easy to just let go right now and not put himself through this; he just started on his plan, it was okay if he didn't get it right a few times. But he held it and at least tried, because if he let himself do that he would keep doing it instead of fixing his issue. And he deeply wanted to fix it.

The red paladin found the thermos and sighed loudly in relief. Unfortunately, his body took that as a cue to let go and he started gushing into his pants, soaking his inner thighs before he could register what was happening. _Fuck wait no_. He quickly pulled himself out of his pants and stuck the tip of his dick in the thermos rim. He was certain he spilled some pee on the floor in between his pants and the thermos, but he kind of did it. His bed wasn't wet and he didn't exactly piss himself.

Keith sighed again, this time in frustration. He was going to have to clean up the small amount of mess he made this time before he went back to sleep. He would get the sheets wet if he went back to sleep as is, and now that he was actually awake he didn't want to just leave it on the floor. His hand was a bit wet too, so yeah. He was cleaning this up.

It felt good to finally pee without doing it on himself, but it was almost weird to hear the sound of pee hitting anything other than fabric. The thermos was even fucking louder than his pants, which he wasn't exactly happy about. He really hoped the bowl wasn't as loud.

When he finished he was happy to notice that the thermos didn't overflow- he didn't know why he would think it would, but the thought was there. He screwed the lid back on tight and put the item on the floor where he found it, figuring he could deal with it after he got the piss off the floor and changed. He changed first, only switching out his pants and underwear after cleaning himself up- his shirt was fine. He then turned on his light and pressed the buttons on his control panel to make a bot come out of his wall to clean up whatever he got on the floor.

There actually wasn't much, but it would take a minute to get picked up by the machine. While he waited for that to finish he grabbed the thermos off the floor and brought it to his connected bathroom to dump out. He locked the door and stood so he could still see the entrance to the room as he uncapped the thermos and dumped its contents into the toilet. There was less than he expected there to be, and it was dark yellow, but not brown. He flushed the toilet and rinsed the thermos out in the sink, deciding to find a way to actually wash it in the morning. But he didn't want to have to wash it in the kitchen, because if someone walked in to see him with that specific thermos they would know he used it.

He wasn't used to that kind of public humiliation anymore.

He walked back into his room with a yawn and saw that the robot was done with its job. He put the thermos back in the bowl on the floor and grabbed his mop. He cleaned the floor in front of his bed, turned off his light, then flopped back on his bed, not bothering to scent mask the floor. There hadn't been much, it shouldn't leave any lingering smells.

Keith fell asleep again, and when he woke up he was grateful he took the time in the middle of the night to not wet his bed. He didn't have to worry about cleaning his sheets or the mattress, and he didn't wake up with a painful rash from sitting in acidic piss for hours.

He had to clean that thermos though.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite his friends' attempts to prevent it, Keith comes down with a nasty UTI. To make things worse, he hides it from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my three beta readers for this chapter.

Keith carefully laid down on one of the couches in the common room, making sure not to jostle himself on the way down. He positioned himself on his back with his calves hanging over the arm of the couch even though there was plenty of room for him to stretch out. He gently rested his arms on his upper stomach and winced at how it made the pain in his lower stomach flare. It burned and ached and stung all at the same time. The teen stared at the ceiling blankly as he tried to relax or at least ignore the pain plaguing him, but it was difficult when he knew why it hurt and he knew he needed to tell someone about it.

It had been about a week since he came out to the team. It had also been a week since the team started helping him get over his phobia of bathrooms and started making him take better care of himself, specifically by drinking the amount he should. Lance did a good job of making sure he was well hydrated, primarily by purposefully overhydrating him. He’d been warned his teammate would do that at first to make sure he wouldn't get sick as a result of his poor self care, but he still didn't like it. And it didn't stop him from getting sick.

When he finally came out about his issue to the team, he had already been on his way to getting sick. Lance’s idea to flush his system- while a great idea and one that could have easily worked if it was put into effect earlier- couldn't get rid of the infection that was already festering inside him. Keith noticed the signs of a UTI two days after Lance started forcing him to drink his own weight in water every day when the symptoms of his dehydration starting getting worse instead of better and were accompanied by discomfort and pain. He would need antibiotics to fight off the infection, and even if he had access to those in space that meant he had to speak up about it.

If it just meant telling the team, he wouldn't be fussing over it too much. He already came out to them and they accepted him even with his issue. But getting treatment for an infection in the castle meant someone had to tell Allura or Coran, and they didn't know about his problem. They wouldn't have to be told his entire story to hand over some medication, but they would definitely ask questions. The questions would all be related to how he got sick so they could give him something that would work better and faster, but if he told them that he got sick because he kept holding in his pee for way too long and was purposefully dehydrated himself they would ask why he was doing that. He wouldn't be able to come up with a convincing lie fast enough under that kind of pressure with his history of dealing with questions regarding this particular issue. He didn't know how the Alteans would take the news if he ever decided to tell them anyways, it might be less acceptable in their culture compared to his own. They might treat him different. He didn't want that.

His worry over the Alteans finding out about his problem led him to where he was now, sprawled out on a common room couch in agony. He would love to be in his room suffering- especially with the random urgency and surprise accidents that came with a UTI- but he’d been practically kicked out of there by Lance when he found him in there too many times during the day and again by Shiro when he skipped lunch earlier. They were extremely close to locking him out of his room during the day to keep him out of there. The only thing keeping them from doing that was that they knew he needed his room so he could pee. Locking him out wasn't the best idea when he couldn't use any of the bathrooms in the castle.

Keith reached down and gently undid the button on his jeans to alleviate some of the pressure on his stomach. It ached and burned less without the hem of his jeans pressing on his bladder. He could only have his pants undone when he was alone unfortunately, since one of his teammates would ask questions if they saw him walking around like this. Before he could have probably gotten away with it by claiming he didn't notice, but now that the team was aware of his phobia it wouldn't slip by them so easily. They watched everything he did like mother hens since he never spoke up when something was bothering him. Unbuttoned jeans would fall into the category of ‘something is wrong and he doesn't want to say anything.’

The teen sighed and closed his eyes. He really wished he could stop doing this to himself and tell someone he was in pain. He couldn't train anymore without being in extreme pain and he was to the point where walking in itself hurt. He was pretty sure he actually had a slight limp by now too. If a Galra fleet attacked them he would be fucked. He couldn't fight like this.

But his fear of Allura and Coran knowing overrode logic. He would try to hide his pain until it was so obvious that either someone found him curled up in agony somewhere or he was caught having an accident- he was actually surprised he hadn't been caught yet with the amount he started having because of his sickness. He hoped it wouldn't be Coran that found him at the very least, he would try to drag him straight into a healing pod, and Keith was pretty sure that doing that would just create some super bacteria that couldn't be killed off by medicine. He would rather he get caught by one of the other paladins, even if it meant getting scolded and fawned over.

“Having fun by yourself?” Keith jumped a little at the sudden voice and had to bite his tongue to keep from making a pained sound at how his muscles tensing made his stomach hurt. He turned his head to the side to see Pidge standing next to the couch he was laying on, her laptop under one arm and her headphones around her neck like usual. She had a loose smile on her face in greeting to the other paladin.

Keith felt his heart drop a little when he remembered his pants were still undone, visibly so. He wanted to quickly close them, but Pidge would notice if he did so he left it. Hopefully she wouldn't notice, logically as long as he didn't make it obvious she shouldn't notice. She had no reason to be looking at his crotch. That didn't soothe his anxiety at all though.

The teen nodded. “Yeah, I was just relaxing.” He replied. Pidge met his eyes and he looked away, paranoid that she would see the struggle in his eyes if she was allowed to get a good look. He instead closed his eyes to justify the loss of eye contact and shifted his arms into a more comfortable position.

Pidge stood where she was for a moment before she sat down next to Keith’s head. She brushed his bangs out of his face and then gently patted his shoulder. “Hunk is almost done with dinner, it should be done cooking in ten.” She said as she placed her laptop on her thighs and opened it. She grabbed her headphones and put them on her ears while the laptop loaded and then began playing with it.

Keith hummed his response and sighed internally. He wanted to go back to his room and pee before dinner like he usually did in hopes of avoiding an accident, but if he got up he would have to hide the pain it would cause him. He would walk weird too, which she would notice. He would have to hide his pain and try not to limp during dinner as well; he wasn't sure if he would be able to do that.

After a long internal debate, Keith decided to stay on the couch until dinner. If he had an accident, oh well. Allura and Coran were going to find out when they treated his infection, and the other paladins had already seen him like that a few times. The Alteans wouldn't have to know that him peeing on himself was normal, he could tell them it was a symptom of a UTI. Just like Lance said, he was getting used to dealing with his problem around the team. The humiliation, embarrassment and fear was slowly fading, even if it was taking longer than he wanted it to.

Ten minutes went by fast, and Pidge closed her laptop and put it on the couch next to herself with her headphones on top. She stood and offered Keith a hand to help him up as well and said, “Let's go, time to eat.”

Keith sighed out loud this time and opened his eyes. He hoped she wouldn't notice him acting weird before they got to the dining hall, he would prefer to eat before he got badgered. Trying to go at a normal pace, he pulled his legs off of the arm of the couch and placed his feet on the floor. He stayed there for a second, clenching his teeth hard to cope with the pain of moving before he reached out to grab Pidge’s hand. He used her weight to pull himself to his feet and step away from the couch.

The green paladin let go of his hand and turned to walk towards the dining hall, leaving the red paladin to follow behind her. He was thankful she was walking ahead, since she couldn't see him limp when she was in front of him. He still had to walk quickly unfortunately, if he walked too slow she would stop, turn around, and wait for him to catch up; then she would definitely see him limping.

Keith followed after her, his hands on his hips and harshly gripping the small layer of fat there in pain. If the others saw him with his hands on his hips it would look more normal than him cradling his stomach or hunching over uncomfortably. He was still clenching his teeth too, hard enough that he could feel his jaw aching from the force. It was ironic that he was putting himself in more pain to cope with the pain he was already in, but it was helping him not make distressed sounds with every step and walk somewhat normally, so he continued doing it.

He was happy the dining hall wasn't far from the common room. Within a few minutes he and Pidge walked into the dining hall, where the rest of the inhabitants of the castle were already seated and waiting for them to begin eating. Pidge sat down between Shiro and where Hunk was supposed to sit- he wasn't there at the moment, he was busy bringing the food into the room- in her usual place and immediately started a conversation with the black paladin, leaving the red paladin in the doorway of the room.

Keith walked over to his usual seat- between Shiro and Lance- with a practiced calm he’d used for years whenever he got sick. He was slightly worried Shiro or Lance might recognize it since Shiro knew him the longest and Lance had the most experience with his issue, but someone was bound to notice at some point, so he wasn't going to worry too much. He could try to postpone someone noticing, but eventually the team would find out he was sick through one means or another. Acting worried and nervous would get him found out faster anyway.

As soon as Keith sat down Lance patted his back and smiled. “Hey! Guess what Hunk made?” He said, bouncing excitedly in his seat. He looked like he could barely wait for Keith to respond before he burst out with the answer to his question.

The red paladin sighed internally. He wasn't feeling up to talking much because he was in pain- he never liked doing things when he was hurting. “Not slop.” He replied, knowing he probably wouldn't guess correctly if he said a specific food.

Lance’s smile grew wider. “He made the purple flan!” He cheered. That explained why Lance was so excited, purple flan was his favorite space food. It tasted like grapes and heavy cream. Lance loved it because he had a sweet tooth that couldn't be satisfied in space.

Keith nodded and made himself smile and look at least a little happy for him. “Your favorite.” He commented as he leaned forward to rest his arms on the table. He let some of his weight slump to his arms so it wasn't all concentrated on his hips in hopes it would help with the aching pain in his belly. It unfortunately didn't do much.

The blue paladin nodded enthusiastically. “Yep.” He was quiet for a few seconds before he spoke up again. “So what are you gonna do for the rest of the night?” He wondered. He and Shiro were trying to keep Keith occupied so he didn't spend all his time in his room or with Red. Especially after his confession and after they learned he grew up alone, the refused to let him spend all his time by himself. He appreciated it most of the time, but not right now.

“I just wanna sleep.” The red paladin replied tiredly. He didn't like being awake with his stomach hurting as much as it was at the moment. He would rather be sleeping so he didn't have to deal with it. He was also tired, since he hadn't been sleeping well because the pain kept him up at night.

Lance sobered up at his tone of voice and looked the other teen over. He didn't usual complain about being tired, he slept less than the other paladins so he was usually up way past everyone else. When he said he wanted to sleep directly after dinner, when he would usually stay up at least four hours past then, it set off some red flags in the blue paladin’s mind. “Are you feeling okay?” He asked, lowering his voice so he didn't alert the others.

Keith sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I'm just tired.” He replied. It wasn't a total lie, so Lance couldn't get too mad at him when he eventually found out he was sick. He would still get scolded though, he couldn't avoid it with the way Lance was mothering him ever since he came out to the team. He enjoyed it even with the scolding and embarrassing moments.

Lance watched him for a few seconds with a calculating gaze, trying to figure out if he was telling the truth or not. He opened his mouth to say something, but Keith never knew what it was going to be since Hunk walked in with the rest of the food. He placed a big bowl of the flan in the middle of the table and then handed everyone a plate with flan already on it. Lance couldn't resist digging in immediately, so he let his conversation with Keith go in favor of eating, but not before he gave the other teen a knowing look so he knew he wasn't off the hook.

Keith gulped when he saw the look. He knew what that meant already; it was Lance’s ‘I'll get you later look.’ It was the famous Mom look™ that meant he would get what was coming to him later. Lance wasn't going to interrogate him in front of the team, but once dinner was done he would. He noticed something was wrong.

The teen looked down at his own food and frowned slightly. He didn't feel like eating honestly. Eating would fill his stomach and put pressure on his bladder, which would hurt. He also didn't feel very hungry at the moment, he never did when he had an infection. But he picked up his spoon and tried to eat anyway, if only to not worry his teammates. If suspicious Lance was scary, then suspicious Shiro, Hunk, or Pidge was worse. Shiro was authority, Pidge was ruthless with her logic, and Hunk fawned endlessly over anyone that could potentially be hurt.

He worked on slowly eating his plate of food, doing his best to ignore the pain in his stomach that flared whenever he tensed his muscles or moved. If struggling on his own wasn't hard enough, he could also see Lance glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. The other teen’s eyes were surprisingly intimidating even if he wasn't looking at him angrily; the suspicion and frustrated worry in his eyes was intimidating to him on its own. It was an expression he wasn't used to seeing on people and it looked similar to concealed anger, at least to him.

A sudden burn clenched in his stomach and was quickly accompanied by a sharp stinging in his urethra. Keith couldn't stop himself from gasping sharply at the sudden spike in pain and choked on the piece of food he had in his mouth. His hands immediately flew to his throat and he started coughing roughly, trying to dislodge the food from his throat as he felt his lap grow hot and the stinging and burning intensified. Tears welled in his eyes as he squeezed them closed, both from the coughing and the pain, and pained, breathless whimpers and moans fell from his mouth wherever they fit in between his coughs. This _hurt_.

His sudden outburst made everyone at the table jump in surprise. Lance was the first one to do anything, since he was the closest and he was the one with the most family members, so he’d been through situations like this before. (He liked telling the team stories about things he did to help his siblings, nieces and nephews. Doing the Heimlich maneuver had been a part of one of the stories.) He quickly got out of his seat and positioned himself behind Keith so he could help him out, but the teen luckily managed to cough the piece of food up into his mouth and quickly swallow before he wrapped his arms around his chest. Keith shakily pressed his hand to Lance’s chest to tell him he was fine, since he couldn't speak with the way he was whimpering in pain, even without his windpipe being blocked.

His stomach was on _fire_. It felt like the inside of him was melting and turning to molten liquid. He was still peeing too, which made the pain so much worse; to pee his muscles had to contract, which hurt enough on its own, and the hot and acidic liquid inside his bladder had to pass through his already raw urethra to leave him. It was the worst feeling ever. It was almost bad enough to make him forget he had people watching him.

Keith gripped the hair at the crown of his head tightly and pulled on it, his elbows still on the table to hold his weight, since his lower body had given up trying to do that itself. He clenched his teeth together to try to stop making sounds, although it did nothing to muffle the loud whimpers leaving his mouth. After a second he felt tears start dripping down his cheeks as well. He left his crotch alone, since he learned from experience that touching it only made it hurt more.

He hoped that the others would at least wait for him to finish before they started talking to him- if they even knew he was wetting himself, the majority of the people at the table couldn't see his lap- but his wishes weren't heeded at all. After Lance figured out Keith could breathe on his own he started checking the other teen for wounds or other things that would explain his obvious pain. It took him less than two seconds to see the growing stain on his teammate’s pants. He flipped.

“Why didn't you tell anyone?!” Lance demanded and he placed a hand on Keith’s chest and forced him backwards, pushing his back against the chair so he could see his lap better. Keith protested loudly to being moved so roughly, but Lance ignored him. He sounded irritated. Not quite angry- thank god, that would freak Keith out on top of the extreme pain he was in- but he was pretty upset that Keith hadn't said anything.

Keith knew that his UTI was pretty obvious at this point, but he wondered how Lance knew so quickly. He opened his eyes and looked down, noticing right away that the liquid covering himself and the chair was red instead of yellow or clear; it was blood red, thick blood red. It had been a deep pink earlier, which was part of the reason why he knew he needed to tell someone, but it hadn't been this deep of a color. He must be getting worse.

He waited until he was done before he opened his mouth, but all that came out were breathy groans. He couldn't answer even if he wanted to; his stomach hurt too much and it was all he could focus on. He hoped Lance would get over his initial panic and irritation and help him before he scolded him. He knew it would come no matter what, but he would prefer to not be in agony when it happened.

Shiro stepped in before Lance could scold him or help him. He got out of his seat as well and stood next to Keith’s chair and offered the teen a hand. “Keith, you need to get up.” He said firmly. He was trying to help him up so he could get changed and then get some medicine.

Keith appreciated the fact that he was willing to look past the fact that he let this happen to himself and get him help first, but he was glued to the seat. He was in agony just sitting here, he didn't even want to think about standing. Instead of using Shiro’s hand to get up he covered his face with his hands and continued to break down in tears. He wasn't sure what was causing them between the pain and Lance’s reaction and the fact that Coran and Allura were watching, but he couldn't stop himself from crying. He hated that he was crying.

A second later a strong set of arms lifted him out of the chair bridal style and he felt his leader’s chest pressing against his left side. He groaned loudly at how his stomach bent to get to this new position and whined Shiro’s name. The man shushed him and adjusted him in his arms so he wouldn't fall. Keith instinctively wrapped his arms around his neck and hid his face in his shoulder.

Shiro’s chest rumbled as he spoke. “Allura and Coran, you guys come with me. Hunk, Lance, and Pidge, could you clean up?” He instructed before he started walking towards the doorway to the room. His footsteps were bouncy and somewhat comforting, but they also hurt like hell because they jostled Keith’s already burning bladder, which ruined any comfort being carried might have offered the red paladin. His lower back was also beginning to hurt, which made the experience even more unpleasant.

It was quiet for a few seconds where all Keith could hear were Shiro’s footsteps echoing in the hall and his own crying. “Is he alright?” Allura asked, ending the silence with a worried question. She had figured out Keith wasn't able to speak for himself at the moment based on how out of character he was acting, so she addressed Shiro instead of the distressed teen he was carrying.

Shiro shook his head. “He’s really sick. Do you guys have medicine to treat infections?” He asked, not going into depth about Keith’s condition. Hopefully Alteans got infections like humans, or else Keith was screwed. Antibiotics were the only thing that could fix a urinary tract infection that was as severe as Keith’s. If he spoke up sooner alternatives might have been able to reverse it before it got bad, but he chose to be silent. Now he had to pay for the consequences.

“Well, we do have a topical gel that treats infections. It needs to be applied directly over the infection.” Coran replied, his voice much more calm than Allura’s. He’d probably been through similar situations before and was less worried. “Where is it exactly?”

“In his lower stomach.” Shiro replied instead of saying it was in his bladder; he didn't know where an Altean bladder would be inside the body and he didn't want to deal with the confusion if it wasn't in the same place- who knew where Altean organs were, the black paladin hadn't studied xenobiology and didn't plan on starting now. “I'll put it on for him.”

Allura made a sound of recognition before they went quiet again for the remainder of the walk to the infirmary. It wasn't a long silence, since within a few minutes they were in the med bay. Coran immediately started rummaging through storage units for the gel he had been talking about while Allura and Shiro stood near the entrance to the room and waited. There wasn't much they could do. Shiro had to wait for Coran to find the medicine so he could bring Keith back to his room, help him change, clean up, and give it to him, and Allura wasn't experienced with medicine, so she couldn't help her fellow Altean search.

Shiro gently patted Keith’s hip, since it was the only place he could reach with how he was holding the teen. “How are we doing Keith?” He asked, wanting to know how his teammate was feeling physically and emotionally. It was obvious he was in pain because of the uncomfortable noises still coming from him, but they couldn't convey information like words could.

Keith frowned at the gentle touch and gripped Shiro tighter. “It hurts.” He whimpered. All he could feel was the pain still flaring in his bladder. It hurt more than he remembered it ever hurting back on earth, but that was also because he never went this long without telling anyone he was sick. It was his own fault he was like this, probably on his way to kidney damage because of his own stupidity.

The black paladin sighed. “I know. I know it does.” He looked over to Allura, who was standing next to him and watching Keith with rapt attention, worried and curious and horrified all at the same time. This was the first time she was seeing one of the paladins sick- with something she had never seen before by the look on her face- so of course she was naturally worried and curious. The horror came from the sight of Keith clothes, which were still soaked with pee that actually looked more like blood. If Shiro didn't have previous experience with UTIs- he was best friends with Matt Holt in the Garrison, that dude loved teaching him random medical facts- then he would be reacting the same as her.

“Allura.” Shiro said, waiting for the princess to look up at him before he continued. “Do you have pain medicine? He’ll be needing that too.” It wasn't as necessary as antibiotics, but if something wasn't done about Keith’s pain levels he could make himself worse by holding it in instead of going when he needed to in an attempt to avoid the pain of peeing.

Allura’s face brightened. “Yes, we do. I might be able to find it on my own.” She said as she walked towards the storage units where Coran was still searching for antibiotics. She began to look for something to manage Keith’s pain, talking with Coran about where that something might be.

A moment later, Coran cheered enthusiastically as he held up a white container. “Found it!” He went back over to Shiro and handed it to the man. “There's plenty left in there. You don't need to use a lot, but you have to rub it in to make sure it gets where it needs to.” He instructed.

Shiro took the medicine and smiled his thanks to the Altean. “Thank you Coran. Have you and Allura found anything for pain yet?” He wondered, his eyes flicking over to the princess, who was still diligently searching through storage units. He assumed the answer was no since she hadn't brought him anything yet.

Coran shook his head. “No, we have not. We’ll keep looking though.” He promised.

“We’ll be in Keith’s room then. If you find something, knock before you come in.” Shiro said. He couldn't sit around and wait for them to find a second medicine when Keith was still sitting in wet clothes. He needed to get him out of them and into something dry before he got a rash, which would be one more thing to treat on top of the UTI. When Coran went back to searching with Allura he turned to leave, walking as smoothly as possible to his subordinate’s room so he didn't bounce him too much.

Keith laid quietly in his leader’s arms, no longer whimpering uncomfortably now that the pain was starting to fade a little. It still stung and burned like hell, but it was on a more bearable and less extreme level now. He felt too tired anyway, complaining about how much everything hurt was a task he didn't have the energy for anymore. He was also starting to get extremely cold and as a result was beginning to shiver. Why did he think hiding his infection was a good idea?

“We’re almost to your room Keith.” Shiro whispered encouragingly as he walked through the halls of the castle. “When we get there, no complaining. Let me clean you up okay?” His tone was serious and stern, but not apprehensive. Keith may have been an idiot and got himself into this mess, but he wasn't mad.

The red paladin frowned and sighed. He didn't really have a choice other than saying yes. He could barely move on his own anymore without being in too much agony to function, getting himself out of his wet clothes and into something else would be impossible. However, that didn't mean he liked the alternative. He didn't want anyone seeing him naked or touching him while he was like that, it would cause flashbacks. He was fully aware that he was safe here and that no one was going to hurt him, but his subconscious didn't care about that logic. All it cared about was his past and using it to haunt him.

“Keith.” Shiro called, gently jostling the younger paladin when he didn't answer. He could recognize when his teammate was starting to worry or freak out, which he was doing right now. He refused to let him brood until he made himself panic. “You know I'm not going to do anything to you.”

The teen gripped the black paladin's shirt tightly at the slight movement and grit his teeth. Yes, he did know that. But knowing that wasn't going to stop him from getting scared when Shiro touched him. He’d only ever been touched by three people, and the experience haunted him to this day. “I know.” He murmured softly.

“I'm scared.” Keith whispered a second later as he pressed his cheek against Shiro’s shoulder. He was already extremely vulnerable being carried around by the older man, soaked from the waist down in his own piss and in enough pain to make him immobile, he figured that admitting his fear couldn't make it much worse. It made him even more scared to leave himself so open and helpless in front of someone with so much power over him, but he did it anyway. Despite the fear, letting go and inviting Shiro to step in and take control gave him an odd sense of comfort that he wanted and needed at the moment.

Shiro hummed softly. “It's okay to be scared.” He replied, his voice just as soft. He let the teen cling to him for the rest of the walk to his room. When he reached the younger paladin's bedroom he shifted him in his arms so he could reach the sensor that opened the door and pressed his hand to it. The door opened with a soft swish, allowing him to walk inside as the door closed behind him.

Shiro walked into Keith’s connected bathroom without putting him down to grab a towel from the closet. He brought it back to the bed and draped it over the sheets as best he could with only one arm, then gently lowered Keith to lay down on his back with his lower half on the towel so he wouldn't stain his sheets. Once his arms were free he took off the teen’s boots and jacket and put them at the end of the bed where they were out of the way.

Before the man started pulling off his teammate’s clothes, he grabbed a new set from his closet to dress him in afterwards. “So Keith.” He started, waiting a second to make sure he would have the other paladin’s attention before he continued. “Do you want me to talk or be quiet?” He asked thoughtfully. He knew Keith was going to struggle with letting himself be helped because of his past trauma and he wanted to try and make this as bearable as possible. However Keith needed him to be to make it easier, he would do his best to meet it.

Keith bit the inside of his lip while he thought, unconsciously fiddling with his hands. He didn't like silence. Shiro speaking the whole time would be awkward though, and incredible embarrassing. This was already embarrassing. “...talk.” He replied, deciding that it would make this easier. Shiro had a level and calm voice, hearing it would remind him that Shiro wasn't mad at him and that he wouldn't lash out.

“On topic or off topic?” Shiro asked as he placed a pile of Keith’s clothes on the bed above the teen’s head. While he waited for a response he helped Keith gently sit up and pulled his shirt off, then lowered him down to lay again. His shirt was covered in sweat, which must have meant that he had a fever. That would explain the shaking. Shiro threw the shirt in Keith’s laundry basket and felt his forehead with the back of his flesh hand. He left too warm, but not hot.

The red paladin closed his eyes when he felt the hand on his forehead. “Off topic.” He replied, not needing to think about his answer. After that he went quiet, not wanting to talk himself. He wanted to listen to Shiro as a passive participant. He felt too gross and sick to want to be part of a conversation.

He watched the black paladin as he went into the bathroom again and came back a minute later with a washcloth and a small basin full of water. He placed the basin down on the floor next to the bed and put the cloth on the rim, then took off his glove and put it on the night stand. Once his hands were free again he began taking off the rest of Keith’s clothes.

As soon as the man got his teammate’s zipper undone, he started talking to fill the silence in the room. “You know, I met Pidge two years before we came to outer space.” He started, keeping his eyes on what he was doing and not on Keith’s face, which was glowing red with embarrassment. “Her brother introduced me to her during one of their Christmas parties. That was also the night I figured out how weird her family is. They're fun to be around, but they're crazy.”

Shiro gently pulled Keith’s jeans off and threw them in the laundry basket, then carefully followed with his socks and boxers. He would wash them for him and try to save them, but he didn't think he could get the red stains out of the fabric. Not all the way at least. Once the teen was undressed Shiro grabbed the washcloth and wet it, rung it out, then used it to start wiping the bloody pee off of his thighs.

“The first party Matt brought me to was at his house, since something had happened and they couldn't host the party at his aunt’s like they usually did. I think that made it a little crazier, since Matt’s aunt is his impulse control. The Holt family does all the usual things people do at Christmas parties, but they also have weird traditions. Like every year at the end of the party they take the Christmas tree and burn it in the backyard with a blowtorch.”

Keith hid his face in his hands and tried to focus on what Shiro was saying instead of the cool feeling of the cloth on his skin. He could feel dread pooling in his stomach as memories of his past flashed before his eyes, replacing Shiro’s gentleness with pain. Every touch from the cloth reminded him of a hand slapping him, every brush of his fingers reminded him of nails digging into his skin, every breath that came from the man reminded him of sick laughter and taunts. They felt so real even though he knew they weren't.

“They also make s’mores while they burn the tree. Thankfully they use real trees, so no one gets poisoned. Except for me, i got food poisoning from something I ate at the party. We never figured out what it was. I'm convinced it was the s’mores, Matt thinks it was undercooked shrimp.” Shiro continued. Once he finished with Keith’s thighs he leaned down to wet the cloth again, then used it to clean his genitals. The man had a straight and calm face the whole time. He was gentle but quick, getting the job done without lingering longer than he needed to.

The red paladin felt like he was dying from embarrassment. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. He was used to doing this himself, not letting another person do it for him. It felt weird and uncomfortable and he didn't like it. He stayed quiet regardless; he knew that if he let Shiro clean him up without complaining it would be over faster. He was resolved to suffer in silence.

That resolve broke when he felt the cloth move lower and touch his perineum. If he hadn't been ready for Shiro touching his front, he definitely wasn't ready for the back. Not with the sudden flood of memories that surfaced at the touch. He quickly shot a hand between his legs to push Shiro away and covered himself, starting to shake a little more from anxiety. He would close his legs too if it didn't hurt to contract his muscles, but because it did he left them open.

The teen’s eyes welled with anxious tears as he looked up at the other. “N-no Shiro don't.” He pleaded, his words rushed and stuttered out in fear. His lips quivered, making it hard for him to speak. It didn't stop him from trying though, trying to make sure that his teammate understood that he needed him to stop before he started panicking. “Don't, ple-ase d-don't touch m-me there.” He was begging at this point, shaking and crying and too scared to think straight. Tears leaked from his eyes and trailed down his cheeks before dripping down the side of his face and into his hair. “P-Please, Shi-ro-”

“I won't.” Shiro cut him off softly. He gently wiped the tears away from Keith’s eyes with the pad of his flesh thumb. “It's okay, I'm not going to.” He assured, his voice low and quiet and calm. Keith needed to hear him speak like that, it reminded him that Shiro wasn't mad and he wouldn't have his way with him. He just wanted to help, not harm him. “But there’s pee down there, you can't leave it or you'll get a rash.” He pointed out gently. “Would you rather do it?”

Keith watched Shiro for a second, cringing away slightly because he expected some kind of violence. But he knew that Shiro wasn't violent, Shiro wasn't going to hurt him. His leader wasn't like that. When the black paladin sat quietly and patiently while he waited for a response, the teen nodded. “C-can you not watch?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes fell to the bed sheets when he couldn't look at the other anymore, too embarrassed and anxious to keep eye contact.

Shiro smiled. “Of course.” He replied. He wet the cloth again before he offered it to Keith and turned his face towards the door of the room. “Let me know when you're done so I can help you get dressed and give you the medicine okay?”

Keith felt for the cloth with the hand not covering himself and took it from the man. He hummed a soft yes in response to his question, not lifting his eyes to look at him or what he was doing as he lifted his other hand and tried to finish the job Shiro started. It was hard and awkward to reach without the ability to sit up, but he managed.

He quickly wiped off the rest of the piss covering his skin, being much less careful than Shiro had been. Once he was done he balled the cloth up and gently tossed it to Shiro’s hands, which he held in his lap. The cloth landed in the man’s hands perfectly. “Done.” Keith whispered as he rested his hands on his upper stomach. He frowned at how it made the burn in his stomach flare and made an uncomfortable noise. He hoped the medicine worked fast, he hated feeling like this.

Shiro put the cloth in the basin and stood to move it closer to Keith’s boots where he wouldn't accidentally kick it. He then grabbed the pair of black boxer briefs he’d grabbed earlier and gently slipped them onto the teen so he was wearing something, then grabbed the container of medicine Coran gave him. He tried to read the directions out of habit even if they were in Altean before he opened the lid. The gel was clear and thick and reminded him of Vaseline.

He scooped some onto his fingers and put the container down. “I don't know where the infection is, so I'm just going to put it everywhere okay?” He said as he gently pulled the hem of the boy’s boxers down so his bladder was completely exposed. It was smarter for him to put medicine on his bladder, urethra, and kidneys than to put it on just his bladder and risk him getting worse because he put it in the wrong place.

Keith squeezed his hands into fists and braced himself for the pain he was going to feel when Shiro touched him. “Okay.” He consented through clenched teeth, cringing away in expectation and closing his eyes so he didn't have to see the man’s face. This was really going to hurt.

When Shiro was given the okay he started to gently rub the medicine over Keith’s bladder. He barely put any pressure at first, taking the time to evenly spread the gel over his skin before he pressed a little more to rub it in. It was easy to feel where he needed to put the gel with how hard and inflamed his bladder was, and it made Shiro feel bad for him. Why did he hide his pain for so long?

The pain that Shiro’s gentle touch caused was instantaneous. Wherever the man’s fingers pressed down burned with hot and intense pain that only kept getting worse the longer he rubbed. Keith’s nails dug into his palms and his jaw ached because of how hard he was squeezing his fists and clenching his teeth. He couldn't help but groan and whimper at the feeling.

After a few seconds the rubbing on his bladder caused him to feel very suddenly and very _urgently_ desperate to pee. Keith panicked at the feeling and frantically tried to tell Shiro to stop. He didn't want to pee again, it hurt too much. He wasn't ready to go through that again so soon. “Wait Shiro stop! I'm gonna pee!” He whined, his voice rising in fear and his eyes starting to swim with tears again.

Just before he thought he would lose it, Shiro let up, but the urgent feeling didn't fade. Keith groaned uncomfortably and shifted his hips despite the pain it caused. He really didn't want to go again, especially not in his clothes. “Shiro…”

Shiro wiped his fingers on the towel underneath Keith and gently sat him up. “Do you want to go?” He asked, able to see the torn look on the younger paladin’s face. He understood that he was in pain and that he was uncomfortable. He felt bad that he was hurting so much.

Keith bit his lip. He did want to go, if only so he didn't have to feel desperate, but it would burn and sting like hell and the relief would only be temporary. He debated over his choices for a moment before he hesitantly nodded. He shifted his weight to try to twist so he could grab the container he kept by the side of his bed.

But he was gently pushed back by the black paladin. The older man grabbed the towel he was laying on and bunched it up in front of his hips. “Just go here, it'll be faster. The towel needs to be cleaned anyway.” He reasoned. “Do you want me to look away? Do you want me to keep rubbing your belly?” He offered, doing his best to make Keith as comfortable as possible.

Keith groaned at the idea of peeing on the towel, especially in front of Shiro. “Um, yeah can you not look?” He’d already been seen by the older man, but it was just weird to let him watch. This was different than wetting his pants; he was exposed now, there was no barrier shielding him from prying eyes. He was vulnerable.

Shiro smiled softly at him and turned away to give him some privacy. Once his eyes were off of Keith the teen pulled himself out of his underwear and aimed close to the bunched up section of the towel. He shyly hid himself behind his hand even though Shiro wasn't watching as a precaution in case he turned around for some reason. Keith knew he wouldn't turn around until he was given the okay, but he was being paranoid.

The teen closed his eyes and clenched his teeth again as he slowly contracted his bladder muscles. It didn't burn too much, which was probably a result of the medicine that was half rubbed into his skin- that stuff worked fast. However, when a soft stream of still blood red urine passed through his urethra he gasped in pain. That still stung really bad. He forced himself to keep going through the pain, comforting himself with the knowledge that he couldn't have much in him because he wet himself a few minutes ago. The stream cut off a few seconds later, leaving a raw sting that left Keith frozen in place. It was difficult to move when his body stung so much.

He panted slightly as he tried to speak. “I-I'm done Shiro.” He whispered, unable to move from where he was and put himself away. It _stung_ , he didn't want to move. He couldn't move.

Shiro turned back to Keith and saw him rigid on the bed. “Are you okay?” He asked, worried that Keith might be feeling worse. He wondered how long the medicine would take to fight off the infection and how long it would take to start working. He hoped it worked soon and fast. Keith couldn't afford to get any sicker, not with how severe his condition already was. He would probably be bedridden- possibly against his will- for a few days and wouldn't be able to train for at least a week. It would be a miracle if no Galra ships attacked the castle for that long.

Keith offered him a shy smile in hopes of calming his worry. “I'm okay. Just a little stuck.” He explained in a quiet voice. “It kind of stings.” Kind of was a complete understatement and he knew it; he also knew that Shiro probably knew it was one as well. It obviously stung a lot if it was making him freeze in place.

“Here, I'll help you lay back.” Shiro said as he held a hand behind Keith’s back to guide him down and pressed a hand to his chest to make him lean back. He helped the teen get comfortable and then went back to rubbing the rest of the medicine into his skin. He didn't bother to put Keith back in his underwear, since he would be applying the gel there next.

The red paladin whispered his thanks after he was lowered to lay on the bed and closed his eyes. The touch on his bladder still hurt, but it wasn't as bad now that some of the medicine was already fighting his infection. With the intense burning fading to a duller ache he actually kind of liked the rubbing- it was comforting.

Shiro made sure all the gel absorbed into Keith’s skin before he scooped some more out of the container and applied in above Keith’s prostate and urethra. He started rubbing it in by sections, figuring that Keith would appreciate it more than long strokes. This wasn't sexual, he didn't want it to feel like it was.

Keith frowned when Shiro moved from his bladder, mainly because the pain of the medicine being rubbed into a new place was unpleasant. It was also because of where he was touching; it was awkward and embarrassing to have someone _rubbing his dick_ in a completely platonic way. It felt good too, and while it helped ease the pain it felt completely wrong to enjoy the feeling.

If struggling internally about the feeling wasn't bad enough, he could feel himself reacting to the touch physically. Slowly but surely, his dick grew hard in Shiro’s hand. He covered his eyes with one of his hands and blushed redder than he ever had in his life. He half expected Shiro to pull away and stop rubbing in the medicine because he was hard, weirded out that the teen was unconsciously getting off on the feeling.

But Shiro didn't seem to care at all. He quietly finished rubbing in the gel and pulled Keith’s boxer briefs up to sit properly on his hips. Keith made a face at the feeling of being trapped in them and had to stifle a groan at how the fabric rubbed against him. “I'm going to flip you over so I can get your kidneys too okay? I'm not going to touch anything else.” He assured the teen. Keith was grateful for the assurance, even though he already knew Shiro wouldn't go beyond giving him the rest of the medicine.

As soon as Keith nodded his consent the black paladin gently flipped him on his back and pulled the towel out from under him so he couldn't accidentally lay on a wet patch. He tossed the towel in the laundry along with the washcloth and grabbed the container of gel again to get more of it. He scooped out a little more than before then started massaging it into the red paladin’s back in two separate circles above his kidneys.

Keith relaxed into the last application much easier than the first two. Shiro rubbing his back felt more like a massage than anything else. Even with his accidental hard on throbbing beneath him, squished uncomfortably between his belly and the mattress, it felt relaxing and nice. He moved the hand that had been hiding his eyes away from his face and got as comfortable as he could. He could feel himself starting to sink into sleep as he relaxed and was pleased to notice that his member was softening as he slowly lost consciousness.

He must have only been asleep for a few seconds when Shiro gently shook his shoulder. “Keith, you can't sleep just yet.” He whispered softly, his voice sounding comforting and strongly sleep inducing in a parental way. Keith was tired and calm and relaxed, he wanted to sleep.

Shiro shook him again when he didn't respond. “You can sleep after I talk with you. You're not off the hook for hiding your infection.” He said, slightly stern but the farthest thing from angry or irritated. Keith was happy he wasn't angry or irritated, but his heart sunk when Shiro said he wasn't off the hook. The man hadn't forgotten that he deceived the team about what was happening, and he had to own up to his mistake.

Keith reluctantly opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Shiro. “M’sorry I di’n’ tell you.” He slurred tiredly, truly remorseful despite how nonchalant his tone sounded. If Allura and Coran didn't have to be involved, he would have quickly told either Shiro or Lance he was sick so he didn't have to go through the painful hell he was in now. But because they were on an alien spaceship with only alien products and alien technology, the Alteans unfortunately had to know. Even if he didn't want them to.

The black paladin sighed. “Keith, you can't just hide your sicknesses from the team, you can get hurt in battle or in training if we don't know. You should have spoken up when you noticed you were sick and you _definitely_ should have spoken up when your urine started turning _red_.” He chastised lightly, an equally light frown on his face.

“Di’n’ want Allura n’ Coran to know.” The red paladin explained, trying to defend himself even though he knew his judgement had been wrong. Regardless of his wants, he should have spoken up before his infection became a serious issue. He was stupid to let his health deteriorate as much as he did.

“That's no excuse.” Shiro said seriously. He stopped scolding Keith after that; he wasn't fully awake, nothing he said was really getting through to the teen at the moment. He could always chew him out Space Dad™ style when he woke up from his nap. He needed the sleep to recover anyway.

“You're staying here and resting until you get better. No training and no exerting yourself until you're out of pain entirely.” The man said. After a second he sighed. “You're lucky I don't make you camp out on one of the common room couches so someone can watch you without being stuck in your room.”

Keith hummed sleepily. He was okay with no training for awhile, he’d stopped a day ago when it became too much anyway. He wouldn't mind sleeping the whole day away either, he had a lot of sleep to catch up on. Even the threat of being banished from his room didn't feel like too much of a problem.

Shiro clicked his tongue when he saw the teen starting to fall asleep again. “Get some sleep kiddo, you'll need it.” He whispered as he gently patted Keith’s back. He put his clothes aside on the night stand and instead covered Keith with his blanket, not having the heart to make him move to get dressed when he was actually comfortable and not in too much pain. He wouldn't be going anywhere anyway, and hopefully keeping most of his clothes off would help him cool down from his slight fever.

Keith barely heard what Shiro said because he was already almost out. He was content now that the pain in his belly has simmered down to an easily bearable level and was ready to sleep. The warmth of the blanket was what lulled him to sleep, allowing him to peacefully rest for the first time in days.

.o.O.o.

“Wake up sicko. Time to eat.”

Keith woke up to the voice, although he didn't move to get up. He was groggy now that he was catching up on all the sleep he’s lost over the last few days. Sleep sounded much better than food. He could always eat later. He wasn't very hungry anyway.

Someone shook his shoulder. “Get up. You have to eat something.” Lance urged, still sounding a little frustrated like earlier. It didn't sound nearly as intense, but he wasn't happy with the red paladin for his stupid decision. “If you don't eat I can guarantee Shiro or Hunk will force feed you.”

Keith sighed and opened his eyes. “M’not hungry.” He mumbled, not wanting to get up and move. He couldn't eat on his stomach, but he didn't want to flip over so he could. He was comfortable here, there was only a dull ache in his belly. The pain might flare if he moved. He would prefer to avoid that.

Lance sighed as well. “You have an infection. You're not going to feel hungry.” He said as he put a tray down on Keith’s night stand. He then sat down on the edge of his friend’s bed and pulled the blanket off of him.

“Lance.” The red paladin whined when the blanket disappeared. He had been so comfortable, Lance was making him uncomfortable. The room felt cold without the fabric covering his back. He just wanted to go to sleep and rest, was that too much to ask?

“Roll over and sit up, then I'll give it back.” Lance conditioned as he took the blanket and placed it in his lap so Keith couldn't try to cling to it. He’d done this before with siblings, he knew how to do it so he would win.

Keith groaned tiredly but rolled over. It didn't hurt very much to move, which he was thankful for. The medicine was working fast. He wondered how much longer it would take to get rid of the infection completely. He sat up with his back propped up against his pillow and held his hand out for the blanket. Instead of being handed it, Lance stood and draped it over his body for him.

The blue paladin placed the tray he’d brought in on Keith’s lap; on it was a bowl of orange food goo. “Hunk made you something that should help you feel better. There's a bunch of vitamins and shit in it that are supposed to help with infections.” Lance explained.

“Thanks.” Keith replied as he grabbed the spoon on the tray and scooped some of the goo into it. He tried the small amount of food on the spoon and lit up at the taste; it tasted tangy, like oranges. It still had a bland aftertaste like usually food goo, but the tang was good. He started eating the bowl of food bit by bit, finding it easier to eat even though he wasn't hungry because it actually tasted good.

Lance hummed and watched him eat quietly. His silence only lasted a few minutes before he spoke up. “I'm still pissed at you for not telling anyone you were sick.” He pointed out, sounding mildly irritated. “You were in so much pain you couldn't even _stand_. That was a stupid choice.”

Keith sighed and put the spoon down in the bowl. Everyone was scolding him because he hid his sickness, and he knew he deserved it. He knew he was stupid to hide it. He knew that him not wanting Allura and Coran to know about his issue wasn't an excuse for how he acted. “I know.” He said softly. “Shiro already kind of scolded me. I'm sorry I didn't say anything.”

“You really gotta work on how shy you are with this.” Lance replied, the irritation fading from his voice and being replaced with concern. “If we got sent on a mission you could have gotten really hurt.” Keith was aware of that. The whole time he was hiding his UTI he was praying that Galra forces wouldn't attack. Luckily, they didn't.

“I'm not that shy.” Keith defended. He was getting a lot better at not being shy about telling the others when he had to pee, especially when they practically forced him to tell them before he was allowed to leave the room.

Lance dropped his eyebrows in disbelief. “Then why didn't you say anything?” He wondered, his tone flat.

“Because I didn't want to tell Allura and Coran.” The red paladin explained simply. He didn't care if the other paladins knew, he only cared about the Alteans.

“That's being shy.” The blue paladin pointed out flatly.

Keith groaned and looked away from him. He picked up the spoon and started eating again, hoping it would stop Lance from saying anything. He didn't like talking about this still. Which...was also him being shy. Okay maybe he wasn't over it yet. But he was doing better!

Thankfully, Lance stayed quiet while Keith finished the rest of the food goo. After Keith finished Lance took the tray, and Keith expected him to leave to dispose of it, then maybe come back to watch him. Instead, he put the tray on the night stand and picked Keith’s thermos up off the floor- he decided to leave it in his room whenever he wasn't in Red. Lance handed him the container and said, “Here, go. When you're done I'll dump it for you and get you something to drink.”

Keith stared at the thermos and blushed bright red. Lance was too comfortable with this for him. While he was getting used to the jokes and telling Lance if he had to pee, Lance asking him to go in front of him was not getting any easier. Especially when he casually stuck the container in his face and was sitting inches away from him. He took the thermos and rested it in his lap and stared down at it so he didn't have to look at Lance.

Lance chuckled. “ _I’m not that shy._ ” He mocked playfully, making air quotes beside his head with both hands.

“Oh shut up.” Keith growled, although there was no bite to his tone. Could Lance really blame him? He was usually really awkward about it, but he didn't complain too much because he knew he wouldn't accomplish anything. The reason why he was so reluctant this time was because it was going to sting. Just a few hours ago he got stuck because it stung so bad, he didn't want it happening again in front of Lance. It was pathetic to get stuck in place and need help moving after he took a piss just because it hurt.

The red paladin sighed and unscrewed the top of the thermos and gave it to Lance. He then placed the container between his legs and threw the blanket over himself so Lance wouldn't be able to see. He looked up to see if Lance was looking- which he was, he always watched- and groaned. “You're such a pervert.” He whined.

Lance stuck his tongue out. “I am not.” He defended. “I'm not looking at your dick. And besides, what are you gonna do if we go to some planet where the locals are amazed and wanna watch if you can't even go in front of me?” That had happened to him before, he told the team how a few locals were amazed by how humans worked and asked to watch him take a leak. He obviously said no, but it was still the weirdest situation he’d ever been in.

“You're still a pervert.” Keith muttered as he looked down at his lap and moved his hands under the blanket. He pulled his underwear down and took himself in one hand so he could aim. He hoped this wasn't going to hurt a lot.

“Uh huh.” Lance hummed.

Keith sighed and closed his eyes so he could pretend Lance wasn't sitting right next to him. He took in a deep breath and slowly breathed out to try to relax. After a second he relaxed enough to start to pee, but he forced himself to go slow so Lance couldn't hear it. It still stung really bad, but it wasn't enough to cause him to make any sounds. He couldn't stop himself from making an uncomfortable face though.

“Are you even going?” Lance asked in an exaggerated tone. He didn't hear anything like Keith wanted, and he didn't have any other way of knowing what he was doing.

The red paladin was so close to punching him. “Lance I swear to fuck.” He growled instead of answering him. “What the fuck do you think?” He wished he would just leave him alone, he just wanted to piss in peace.

“Well then why don't you just let go? Doesn't it hurt more the longer you take?” The blue paladin reasoned, his tone changing to concern.

Yes, it did make it hurt more, but he would rather it hurt then Lance hear it. He ignored the other teen, hoping that he would leave him alone. And he did thankfully, but after a minute Keith wished he’d just let go. It stung just like it did before he took the medicine, hot and raw and intense. He whimpered uncomfortably and tried not to pant from the pain. Lance clicked his tongue but didn't say anything. The sound made Keith frown deeper. He regretted his decision.

He regretted it even more when he finished and was stuck again, unable to move because of the residual sting. He groaned again when he realized he’d have to ask Lance to help him because _he really couldn't move._ He opened his eyes and licked his lips anxiously. “Lance.”

The teen hummed. “You done?” He asked, his eyes trailing down to where Keith’s hands were under the blanket.

“Yeah, um.” He stuttered, flushing harder than the already beet red his cheeks were. “I'm kind of stuck.” He said, not even able to turn his head to look at his friend. He continued staring down at the blanket, wishing that the castle could just eject him into space.

Lance sighed. “I told you it would hurt.” He chastised lightly as he slid a hand under the blanket and took the thermos. He capped it so it wouldn't spill and put it down so he could help Keith lay down again. He helped his friend get comfortable before he took the thermos to the bathroom to dump it out.

Keith sighed to himself after Lance left and closed his eyes. He wanted to go back to sleep, he was tired. Hopefully Lance was done bothering him now that he’d done what we wanted and he would leave him be. If he wasn't hurting again he wouldn't mind talking for a bit, but because the sting was back he just wanted to be left alone.

A minute later Lance came back and put the thermos down on his floor. “I'm gonna go get you something to drink. Do you need anything else?” He asked lowly, staying quiet because he could tell Keith was tired.

The teen shook his head. Some pain medicine sounded nice, but he didn't know if Coran and Allura had found anything yet so he wasn't going to ask. If Shiro came to check on him, maybe he would ask then. He felt more comfortable asking the man about that since he already knew the Alteans were looking.

Lance left his room a second later, leaving it quiet and peaceful in the red paladin's room. He relaxed and let himself drift once he was alone, the grogginess from earlier coming back and pulling him back under into a light sleep.

.o.O.o.

Keith was gently shaken awake again after what felt like only a few minutes. He groaned and pulled away from the hand on his shoulder, not bothering to open his eyes because he planned on falling asleep as soon as he got comfortable again. The person shook him again though, refusing to let him sleep. Keith groaned tiredly and gently swatted the hand away, making sure he didn't hurt whoever he hit but using enough force to let them know he wanted to be left alone.

“Come on kiddo, wake up.” Shiro soothed softly as he sat down on the bed next to Keith’s side. “You have to drink something before I let you go back to sleep.”

The red paladin reluctantly opened his eyes and pushed himself to sit up more. He yawned and held his hand out for Shiro to give him a drink. If all he had to do was down some water to be allowed to sleep again, he would do it. It wasn't very much to ask of him.

Shiro handed Keith a half full water bottle that had previously been on his night stand. “Drink the whole thing.” He instructed as he let his arm rest on his thigh and leaned forward a little. “Do you need to pee?” He asked afterwards, since he might need to be there in case he got stuck from the sting.

Keith shook his head as he brought the water bottle to his lips and started to drink from it. He felt fine, he hadn't drunken anything between the last time he went and now, and it probably hadn't been very long since he fell asleep. If he had to go he would wake up. Keith downed all of the water in the bottle and handed it back to Shiro once he was done. After that he laid himself down again and closed his eyes, ready to fall back asleep.

He was almost completely asleep when he felt something cool rub against his belly. He jolted a little and looked down to see what it was. When he realized it was just Shiro putting more medicine on his skin he relaxed and laid his head down again. The man had pulled the blanket off and pulled his boxers down without him noticing. He must have been really tired if he didn't notice.

“You can go back to sleep Keith. Sorry if I startled you.” Shiro apologized as he started rubbing the medicine in more thoroughly and looked up at the teen to see his face. The touch caused much less pain than it had a few hours ago, which Keith was happy about. The medicine worked really fast and was surprisingly pain relieving even though he hadn't taken an actual painkiller yet. He might not need the painkillers before Coran could find them- he still hadn't found them yet.

The teen hummed and closed his eyes again. He trusted Shiro to do this after how the first time went. He wouldn't hurt him. Keith let himself start to drift again, although he couldn't completely fall asleep when the application of the gel still kind of hurt. As a result he floated in an odd half-sleep state while Shiro gave him the second dose of medicine and would stay that way until he finished. Keith didn't mind it much, since he was calm and relaxed and barely lucid enough to process.

He very suddenly startled awake when he heard the door to his room slide open. Someone else was at the door, someone else was going to see him like this. He wouldn't have minded too much if he still had his underwear on, but they were pulled down and he was completely exposed. He wanted to quickly cover himself up with something- anything- but he froze in fear and stared with wide eyes at his door, not even awake enough to clearly see who was standing in his doorway.

Thankfully, Shiro heard the door open as well and quickly pressed his hand to Keith’s crotch so at least his dick and balls were covered. He unfortunately hadn't had time to pull the teen’s boxers back up, so he did the next thing that came to mind. He looked over to the doorway as well and sighed. “Coran, I said to knock.” He reminded tiredly with a shake of his head.

Now that Keith could see a little clearer, he could tell that the Altean was holding a small bottle in his hands. “Sorry Shiro. I'll remember that for next time.” He apologized, sounding remorseful but not at all embarrassed or flustered even though Keith was one hundred percent sure he could see him laying on the bed with only his leader’s hand protecting his modesty. He didn't even move from the doorway to allow the door to close, which meant that if anyone else walked by they would be able to see him too. Being like he was, exposed and vulnerable in front of two older men, made his chest clench uncomfortably and the thought of someone else walking by and seeing as well made tears prick at his eyes.

“So I'm assuming you found the pain medicine?” Shiro prompted when Coran didn't say anything else right away. He motioned to the bottle in the man’s hands and added, “It's that right?” He hadn't noticed Keith beginning to freak out next to him.

Coran nodded and walked farther into the room, thankfully allowing the door to shut, but at the cost of moving closer to Keith. “The medicine comes in oral pills. That's how most earth medicine is taken, correct?” He asked as he held the bottle out to Shiro. He didn't glance down at Keith at all during the exchange, but that didn't comfort the teen or make him feel any less scared.

Shiro took the bottle with his unoccupied hand and put it on the bed. “Yes, thank you Coran.” He said with a smile. Keith hoped that Coran would just leave after Shiro said that, since all he was doing was dropping off the medicine. He had no reason to stay or linger anymore.

“You're welcome.” Coran replied with his own smile. That was when he would have left like Keith wanted. He would have turned and left without saying a word. Instead, the man turned to him and looked him directly in the eye, completely ignoring the fact that he didn't have anything on. Keith met his eyes, unable to look away. “How are you feeling?” He asked, curious to know how the paladin was recovering with alien medicine.

Keith didn't respond. He couldn't. He was frozen in place, shaking and terrified because Coran was standing _directly above him._ Coran was older than him, much stronger and in a much more powerful position than him, while he was laying down with only Shiro’s fucking _hand_ covering him up. He felt completely exposed, defenseless, and _vulnerable_. It didn't feel good. The teen hiccupped and squeaked as his eyes welled and overflowed with tears. He squeezed them shut and turned his face away, trying to hide it in the blanket that was laying next to him. He wrapped one arm around his stomach defensively and covered his mouth with the other. _Shiro make him go away, please._ He begged internally, knowing he couldn't do it himself.

Coran blinked, eyes widening in surprise towards the red paladin's reaction. He had apparently expected a straightforward and calm answer, not tears and a squeak. He looked over to Shiro with a confused expression, silently asking the black paladin for an answer. He seemed to figure out he wouldn't be getting a response from Keith.

Shiro looked over to Keith, his eyes softening knowingly and sympathetically. He quickly turned back to Coran and said, “He still feels horrible. He’s stressed and tired, he needs to sleep to get better.” The part about him needing to sleep, while true, was obviously said to try to hint to Coran that he should leave. It was subtle and kind, so much so that Coran might not even notice the nudge.

Thankfully he did. “Oh, yes that does make sense. You humans need a lot of sleep, don't you?” He said with a slight chuckle as he backed up. “I'll go tell the princess how he’s doing, she’s worried sick.” He turned to leave and swiftly walked out of the room, the door swishing closed behind him.

Shiro sighed and moved his hand away from the red paladin. “Keith.” He called, his tone serious and worried. He knew Keith was panicking based on how he reacted to Coran being in the room. He was trying to get his attention before he could fall completely into a panic attack. “You're okay.”

Keith turned to look at Shiro and shook his head furiously. No he wasn't okay, Coran saw him. He walked into his room and stood right fucking _above him_ and acted like everything was completely fine when it _wasn't_. “N-no, Shiro h-he s-saw.” He cried, lifting his other hand and shifting both hands to cover his eyes. “H-he l-looked at me. H-he-”

“Yes, he should have knocked.” Shiro said softly as he cut the teen off. “But he didn't do anything to you. You're fine.” He soothed, trying to disarm his subordinate’s worries.

Keith stuttered as he tried to argue. “B-but-”

“No buts.” Shiro replied, his voice taking on a slightly more strict tone to shut down whatever argument he would try to make. “Did Coran hurt you?” He asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

“N-no.”

“And did he touch you? Did he look anywhere but your face?”

“No…”

Shiro’s face softened and he offered a small smile. “Then you're okay.” He soothed. “Is it alright if I finish putting the medicine on? I might have to start over since it smeared out of place.” Unfortunately the gel smeared when Shiro hastily covered the teen with his hand, but he hadn't rubbed any of lt in yet, so it would be easy to wipe off and start again.

Keith gulped and uncovered his face. There were still tears in his eyes even though he believed when Shiro said he was okay. “Y-yeah.” He consented. He was okay with Shiro doing that, he trusted him not to hurt him. As soon as he gave the okay Shiro left to grab a hand towel and used it to wipe off the gel already on Keith's belly. He put it to the side and reapplied the substance to the teen’s skin and started rubbing it in.

The rubbing helped him slowly calm down and relax. After a few minutes all of the gel absorbed into his skin, but Shiro didn't move on to put more somewhere else. He lingered at Keith’s bladder, gently massaging his belly to try to let him drift off before he continued putting the medicine on. And it worked, because after another few minutes Keith grew drowsy and fell into a light sleep.

He woke up a little when Shiro rolled him over to get his back, but the black paladin shushed him when he noticed him waking up. After a quick assurance that he was okay the red paladin fell asleep again, this time into a deeper, more stable state.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would anyone believe me when I say I thought of the topical gel before I realized how Shiro would have to put it on? XD I was too far in to change when things got *ahem* spicy so I just kept it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my friend for talking me into writing this i almost didn't. But it's here. Thank you to my seven betas who encouraged me through this. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing


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